Neverending Grief | TWD

Preparations & Doubt.

"We're preparing for a fight.
One that I'm not entirely sure we're going to win, I'll be honest.
Your brother isn't exactly helping matters, at this point.
Whatever happens, Anthony...
If he keeps screwing up,
You might see him sooner than you'd expect,
And sooner than I would like to see."

"How does driving the car work?"
I chuckled, hearing Anthony's question slip out. He was always super curious about things, which I loved. I didn't mind taking the time to explain. "It'll seem complicated at first, but it's actually not so bad. When I first learned to drive, it scared me." I said, smiling at him.
I had taken him to the park to get out of the house for a while. We were getting ready to leave, but we sat in the car for a moment, just talking. The times we'd already be out of the house, I'd milk it the best I could so he didn't have so many memories of our parents and their belligerence. I wanted him to have good ones, too.

"How did it scare you?" Anthony asked, making me direct my attention back to him.
"When I was...18, I think? It was around when you were only a couple months old, actually. I got my license. You have to have one to drive, but you have to do tests to be able to get your license, and pass them. Dad and Mom had...taken me to practice driving, and let's just say, Mom was really scared. So was I. I hit like three curbs, and almost blew a red light."
Anthony laughed lightly at the thought, speaking excitedly. "Seriously?"
I nodded back at him, chuckling. "Oh, yeah. It was bad. Mom swore to never get in a car with me again. Dad was smiling because he found the whole thing hilarious. But you? You were in the car, too." Anthony shot me a confused look as he questioned me more. "I was?"

I nodded, confirming his suspicions. "Yep. Again, you were only a couple months old, so you probably wouldn't remember. You were in your car seat, and Mom was freaking out, demanding I drive us all home so she could get you out of the car. You...You just sat there, giggling at us, like nothing mattered. I always knew you'd enjoy car rides after that." Anthony chuckled, speaking softly. "That's funny."
My attention moved to the ignition, with my keys still dangling from it. I was most likely going to have to teach him how to drive, anyway. At least, once he was older. Maybe this way, he'll know ahead of time.
Or maybe it's another excuse I'll make.

"Pay attention. What I'm about to do, you are to never try by yourself. Do you understand me?"
Anthony nodded excitedly. "I promise, I won't." I gave him a sarcastic smile, speaking again. "Are you sure? I can't show you if you're just gonna do this behind my back. You'll end up getting in trouble."
He shook his head, trying to urge me to show him. "I won't! Show me! What is it?"
I smiled, turning off the car and showing him the ignition. I took my keys out, holding them in my hand. "These are my car keys. Whenever you want to start it, you just put the keys inside here and turn it all the way. You'll hear the car start after you hold it for a couple seconds, and everything will turn on." I put the key back in the ignition, but didn't start it.

He smiled at me, trying to prod me further. "What else? That just turns it on."
I shook my head at him. "Nice try. I don't need you driving cars. Besides, this means that when we get in the car, I can give you something to look forward to." Anthony was confused. "Wait, you'll let me turn the car on every time we get in?" I nodded, smiling warmly as I spoke to him. "Of course. Would you want to?" I asked him, hearing a joyful response. "Yes! It sounds fun."
I chuckled at him, turning the key and starting the car up again. "We've gotta get back. I still gotta make dinner. Derek's probably starving." He smiled, putting his seat belt on as I began to put the car into gear, pulling out of the parking spot we were in and starting the drive home.

To other people, I'm sure it would seem like a weird moment. Like, letting him turn the car on every time was little, it didn't matter. But, it meant so much more to me, and to him. I was constantly able to give him little things like that to take the attention away from the horrible shit we had to deal with at home. It would be even better when Derek would be a part of it, because there were plenty of times when he would, too. I wanted him to always have positive moments like that, because even if they're small, it's still a good memory.
Regardless of what it was. It wouldn't replace the bad, necessarily, but I always hoped it would help.