Last Letter For My Everyday Girl

I

"Is it really possible to rewrite the past?"

I've got no plans.

Lately, even breathing bores me. There were days that I'll just stay on my bed. At ang tanging bangon ko na lang ay kapag kailangan ko ng maligo at asikasuhin yung mga pusa.

If there's one thing that I'm thankful of, it's the fact that I still have all of our cats. And even the dog that I agreed for us to have even though I am so scared of having a dog. I don't hate dogs though, I just don't know how to react once it gets so clingy to the point that it will even want to sleep on your lap or to lay within your feet to keep it warm.

Napatingin ako sa kanang bahagi ng kamang hinihigaan ko. It's still the same empty space.

It's so weird that I used to be contented on a particular side of the bed because Rhaen was such a huge-space taker even if she's just so slim and small. She really hates spaces between us. Or maybe it was I who hated it because I'll start to be uncomfty if I can't feel her warmth before I sleep so I tend to grab her arm or her leg and would cling into it until I fall asleep.

It's so weird to wake up every day that Rhaen wasn't on that same exact space that she used to be on for the past nine years.

It's so weird to wake up and not have that five minutes of my morning with nothing but staring on her pretty face. That I'll just stare on her for minutes, enjoying how she sleeps so calmly beside me, how I would fight my urge to just lay back on the bed and bury my face on the crook of her neck as she unsubconsciously wraps her arms on my waist to pull me closer. And I'll just stay there for minutes, enjoying how calming every morning was.

It's so weird to get up on bed without the urge of making breakfast. The house no longer smells brewed coffee in the morning. There's no more burnt fried hotdogs and eggs. No more salty toasted garlic rice. No more uncooked dry pancakes that Rhaen's calling pot holder.

It's so weird to sit on the same spot of the dining table and to eat in silence. For the past nine years, dining with her wasn't dull and boring. We always talk about everything. What happened on our day even if we're just living under the same room. We talk endlessly, telling each other what the other one missed. Even the silly ones. She always have any thing to talk about and I was always so talkative around her.

It's so weird to stay on the same house without hearing any loud music. Yung lakas ng patugtog niyon na kailangan connected pa sa speaker. Kasunod ay yung pagkanta niya ng malakas at pagsayaw pa pag alam nyang naririndi na ko sa ingay. I never thought I could even memorize all of Avril's, Justin's, Blank pink's, and OPM songs.

And whenever she's playing Taylor Swift's songs, I always feel special. The way she'll sing the song whenever she thinks I am not noticing the glances she's throwing on me. The way she's making sure that she knows all of my crushes, what I liked about them, and supporting me all-through out.

And every now and then, I still play the same songs and waits that she'll shout again how I am murdering their songs. Yung mang iinis pa ito na katunog ng pinupunit na yero yung singing voice ko pero lagi pa din naman nitong pinapakinggan. Yung pag naiinis na ako, sasayaw lang ito sa harap ko at kakanta tapos matatawa na lang din ako. Does she still remember that?

It's so weird to see the empty side of the house where she used to spend most of her hours. Yung computer table kung saan sya lagi nakatambay para maglaro at manood ng movies, o animes, o series. I make sure it's still the same. Her sketch book is still there. And it's painful to see that there were sketches I haven't even seen before.

The first few weeks when she left, I still leave food on that place. Yung mga paborito nyang snacks na lagi nyang kinakain pag nakatambay lang. Yet, napuno na lang lahat, pero di man lang nabawasan.