Legacy

Chapter 8.0

Baby Mai^

Rinji walked over, holding Mai carefully in his arms, a look of concern on his face. "Is everything okay, Kaiya? You ran off, and Sasuke followed," he said, raising an eyebrow as he scanned us both.

Sasuke pushed himself off the ground, brushing dirt from his clothes before helping me up. "Just something between us," he replied, his tone casual, but there was an underlying tension that lingered.

"What he meant is that it was just a small miscommunication, but everything is settled now," I added quickly, trying to ease the awkwardness in the air. The three of us fell silent, exchanging glances, the atmosphere feeling a bit heavy and strange.

I cleared my throat to break the silence. "How about we go inside? It's almost time for Mai to eat, and it's lunchtime for us too." I smiled down at Mai, who cooed back at me with bright eyes.

"Baa!" she gleamed, her excitement infectious.

"You sure love food, huh?" Rinji chuckled, poking her cheeks gently. Mai responded with another happy squeal, her little hands reaching up toward him.

"What should we make for lunch?" I pondered aloud, looking between the two of them as we walked back too the cabin.

"Tomatoes," came the obvious answer from Sasuke.

"You should expand your horizons on vegetables, Sasuke," Rinji stated.

"Tomatoes," I rolled my eyes as Sasuke repeated, as if that alone was enough justification.

"How about a nice bowl of curry with rice?" I suggested, we hadn't that in a while. We still had some beef from when we first came here. 

"That would be nice," Rinji responded, nodding in agreement.

"Hn."

Once we reached the cabin, I carefully changed Mai's diaper, making sure she was comfortable before I quickly hopped into the shower. As the hot water cascaded down my body, my mind drifted back to earlier. Was I going crazy, or was this all just a part of my new reality?

I lower my head as the hot water fell over me and my hands press against the cool tiles as I lean forward, letting the water hit against my back, trying to drown out the noise in my head. Am I going crazy? The thought sneaks in. I try to push out the thought but it clings to me. Is he real or not?

"I'm not crazy," I whisper, but the words sound hollow, even to me. My throat tightens as I try to convince myself. A crazy person wouldn't wonder if they're crazy, right? They'd be in denial. But what if that's just something people say to make themselves feel better? What if I'm already slipping and I don't even know it?

My breath catches, and I press my forehead against the tiles. But then the panic starts to rise, bubbling up like the steam around me, filling my lungs until I can't breathe.

"I can't be crazy," I whisper again, my voice trembling. "I have so much I have to do. I can't...I can't fall apart now. Not after everything." My chest tightens, and I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the tears mix with the water running down my face. But no matter how hard I try to hold them back, they keep coming, hot and desperate.

I didn't do anything wrong to feel like this. It's not fair. My mind flashes back to the memories I keep trying to bury, the things I saw, the fear that clung to me. The helplessness, the terror. I can still feel it sometimes, creeping in at the edges of my thoughts, waiting for a moment of weakness.

"I don't want to go crazy," I cry, the words torn from me in a sob that echoes off the walls. "I hate life like this. I don't want to hate it. I just want to be okay." For things to go back like it used, like when we all were kids.