We met at a time where the world around us was collapsing, i looked at you not knowing your name but my eyes followed you for a few seconds;
I forgot all about it right after, whilst the universe had a different plan for us, we were destined to look each other in the eyes again, to cross the same path, to sit on the same table; not knowing what we would become, what you're capable of doing
What your eyes were capable to do to me.
My mind, body & soul felt like they're home whenever you were around, safe and sound in your hands.
I've built a home in between your arms, whenever i'm not fully held by them, i feel like a stranger, no matter where i'm or who i might be surrounded by, this feeling of not belonging keeps haunting me; only in your arms i believe i'm okay, like i'm finally where i belong.
Although i wrote numeros times about never making homes out of people, yet i made mine out of you;
A warm one, covered with pastel colors & fairy string lights, each corner was decorated with lavender & hyacinth.
Each time i gazed into them starry eyes of yours i saw beauty & lots of hope
An entire universe within them that shined so bright just for me, like they're my guidance, my strength, my purpose and peace.
your eyes did mesmerize me in so many irrational ways that i was never able to understand or describe to anyone or even myself.
Until one morning, i had to open my eyes to see the walls i decorated becoming dull, as the colors kept fading each day, i only sat in the corner watching it fade without complaining; not knowing that we will fade away with it.
I gazed more and more into your eyes only to hold on to that hope they gave me each day, but it only worked for a day or two, but your eyes couldn't keep my attention from the dullness of the colors that were fading day by day.
As each color faded, a piece of the home i built inside of your arms started vanishing as well.
One sleepless night i was able to feel the air crashing into my bones, passing through each blood vessel, reaching every inch of me, reminding me that we're going down & about to vanish soon enough.
With every breath i took that day & the other days, i tried telling myself that the colors weren't fading, it's just in my head, or that maybe there's something wrong with my vision, but the colors are all still the same. But in fact, nothing was the same.
Again, i looked into your starry eyes, but they were no longer starry, they were starless, dimmed & empty.
The universe i saw in them turns out to be a reflection of something else, but it never truly existed in the first place.
They only held worry, stress & lies instead of light. They once used to reflect beauty & hope, then they only reflected fear to me, fear of that house i built will fall down right on me, breaking my neck, bones until i turn into ashes and that i'll stay buried underneath of it without ever being noticed or found by somebody else.
The only thing i could think of at that time was, what if i become a ghost floating around hoping to haunt another home just to feel less miserable, less empty & maybe a little alive.
Because each home i tend to build always sears down on me, and it takes me years to recollect the ashes left of my own self.
I was not hoping for another immersion of my own soul into the unknown, into the nothingness once again.
It turns out i was right, for every time i said, please stop making homes out of people, because they're temporary hun, they're always temporary.
You're your own home, never let anyone take that from you or make you think you need to build a new one, you'll only end up stuck down below it.
Next time you see a radiating light from afar, make sure that the luminous lights you see are in your favor and genuinely meant to light up your way, not to distract you from where you're supposed to walk.
