REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

10th Note [M]

— CW // Mature and explicit content, fingering, oral sex, unprotected sex, creampie, NSFW
— TW // harsh words

*****

I woke up to a noise from downstairs, where our family's dining table came from. I'm one hundred percent sure it was definitely my mother who complained to Papa because maybe his tie didn't match his shirt at all.

I slowly stretched my body.

The contentless debate that my parents had below immediately reminded me of what Jendra had said to me before: that he was actually unaware of the dictionary definition of marriage, but he told me that he liked to imagine it as a relationship between two people: one who loves to sleep in complete darkness while the other hates spending the night in a room with the lights out. And I think that's true.

I have never seen a more stylish lady than my mom. Her makeup and hair will be applied so flawlessly that her face will be beyond description gorgeous. Papa, on the other hand, has a "simple" appearance and doesn't particularly follow trends in fashion. His theory is that it's appropriately proportioned—neither too big nor too small—and respectable enough to wear to formal events like meetings or the office. He's just your typical suit-wearing wealthy guy.

I tied my hair slowly before walking to the bathroom. turned on the shower, letting my body be splashed with water. While mulling over numerous ideas in my mind. There's something about the soothing sound of water that turns showers into contemplative zones.

The reason I don't want to rush into marriage also, more or less, rests on that belief. Imagine. How much should we tolerate from our partner when we get married? If you think it's strange why I want to date but not get married, it's because the two concepts are very different. Getting married requires many things to consider, more than just love.

Love is one small word that may describe so many relationships in life. It appears in most worthwhile stories, sometimes in unexpected places, and may be found in the purity and innocence of a person's first love as well as enduring love through life's most difficult moments. And some people don't believe in love. True love. Well, I understand when they say they don't.

Because I, too.

For me, I could only find love in the worn-out, dusty pages of ancient, rusted novels. It originated solely from the author's ideas and fantasy, nothing more. The whole idea of love irritated me because I thought it was exaggerated. It was painted too perfect, and I've always been a bit of a sceptic when it comes to love. The whole idea of fate seemed like a plot twist from a romantic movie, and marriage felt like a leap of faith that my pragmatic mind wasn't entirely ready for.

But fate—do you believe in fate?

Well, I do.

And that was what I thought about my relationship with Jendra. It was fate, and it ought to be that way.

But did the fact that I thought love was all a fairy tale mean I didn't love him?

I was not sure either. Because I occasionally pondered whether Jendra was the real embodiment of love?

The bathroom tiles were fogged up, mirroring the haze of my mind as I pondered the twists and turns that brought Jendra and me together. I couldn't deny the palpable happiness he brought into my life. His expressions of affection, so genuine and open, had a way of eroding my scepticism. There were those moments when he'd look at me with that twinkle in his eyes. And the genuine happiness that seemed to bloom effortlessly when we were together.

"You? The one who doesn't want to get married?"

I still remember Pra's horrified look yesterday. That tall man didn't seem to believe what had escaped my mouth.