[The Legacy Series] REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

32nd Note

​​"What are you talking about, Jen?" I could hear Jagad's voice rising two decibels. "Why did you suddenly break up with Kak Haira?"

"She asked for it." I answered slowly. It felt like I no longer had the energy in my body to just argue with my best friend.

"Jen, it was fucking ten years, you know..." Bria muttered. Looking at me with a look of disbelief, she seemed at a loss for words.

"She was the one who asked, Bri, what can I do?" My voice sounded hoarse. "I couldn't see her face begging me to let her go. I can't." I looked at both of my hands. "I also want her to remain my girlfriend, my fiancé, my future wife, and my wife. I also want her to still be able to hug me." There were silent tears in every word.

"Giandra is on the way here." Jagad interrupted me.

"Ngapain?"

My best friend looked at me sharply and said, "So you know what's on Kak Haira's mind."

"What do you mean?"

Not long after I asked that, someone grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to look at them before I felt a hard slap on my cheek.

"Why did you do it? Why did you agree when she asked to break up with you?" I could hear Giandra's voice echoing in my ears. Buzzing. Igniting the anger and sadness that had accumulated in my chest.

"Because she wants it, Ndra! What can I do if she asks?!" I snapped back at my friend, sparking the same anger as mine in her eyes.

"Do you know why she doesn't want to get married yet? Do you know why she's so scared when you get close to Rara? Jen." Giandra trailed off her words. "I know it's not your responsibility to cure all the shortcomings that are in Haira's mind, but if it's not you, her boyfriend, her fiancé, who understands her, then who else?"

My brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You know she was always afraid of getting married because, throughout her life, her extended family only considered her as a business tool that could be used to make her family name bigger?" Giandra stared intently into my eyes. "Don't you know how happy Tante Ayu and Oom Danu were when they found out you were willing to marry their daughter because you really love Haira? They really accepted you because they knew their daughter would never be able to survive the business politics in their family, and you, as someone who never saw Haira's status and always supported her, despite the fact that she always received criticism and reproach in her own family because she is a woman. You, Jen, the only person Haira can trust, actually became the first person to develop her insecurities."

"Insecurities?" I looked at Giandra, confused by what came out of her mouth.

"She's always afraid that you will choose someone else to marry, afraid that there will be a woman who is better than her and attractive to you."

"Kak Haira always feels like she is not enough for you, Jen. She was always afraid to take leadership in Oom Danu's company because she always thought she wouldn't be able to do it, but she dared to overcome that fear so he could be worthy of being compared to you."

"Hah? What stupid excuse is that?" I smiled sarcastically, cursing my own stupidity. "I never wanted to be with anyone else except her, I don't demand anything from him, I believe her — ,"

"But you ruined it all by positioning yourself as the person who defends other women more than herself." Bria took a deep breath. "I know it's not your obligation to always understand people's feelings. But she is your fiancé."

"You don't seem to validate her feelings of jealousy and fear because you feel ten years is a long time to be dating, right?" Jagad looked at me while gently squeezing my shoulder. Trying not to take out his anger on his stupid friend. "Even though it doesn't matter how long you've been dating, or when you're married, feelings of jealousy are valid, Jen."