REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

14th Note

"Why were you doing that?" The girl in front of me ruffled her head roughly. "How could you forget your promise?"

"Sorry, Ndra."

"Why are you apologizing to me?" Giandra looked at me with an annoyed look. "You owe an apology to my friend, not me."

"Besides, I've already said there's no need to meet her again." Jagad added. "I don't mind if you are friends with lots of people, but you can be a little picky, especially if she has a history of liking you."

I took a deep breath. I know why Jagad emphasized this because, yes, that also happened to Giandra and Padma. It was still clear in my memory how Padma almost ruined their relationship.

I leaned into the chair, mustering a weak smile. "You could say that I messed up, guys."

The weather outside mirrored my mood — cloudy, typical of Jakarta's unpredictable rain patterns. I took a deep breath, hoping the caffeine from my coffee would provide some solace amid the growing unease.

"This is the first time I've felt scared during an argument with Haira," I confessed, glancing down at my navy-colored shoes.

"What does that mean?" Giandra raised an eyebrow, her sharp gaze assessing the situation.

"I've been with Haira for a long time, but I've never felt this anxious during a disagreement before," I explained, fidgeting with my fingers under the table. "Yesterday, it just felt different, like something was really off."

My two best friends exchanged glances, clearly puzzled by my words.

"I mean, we've had arguments before, and we've always managed to resolve them," I continued, trying to articulate my thoughts. "But yesterday, it was like... I don't know."

I took a long sip of my coffee until only ice cubes remained at the bottom of the glass.

"My head is spinning," I groaned, rubbing my temples in an attempt to alleviate the growing headache.

Giandra sighed, crossing her arms as she leaned back against the sofa. "And on top of everything, how could you forget? Is Rara so captivating that you forgot about your own girlfriend?"

I felt like crying after hearing the sharp words that escaped her mouth.

"It's not like that; I forgot to mention that I also had an appointment to have lunch with Rara at Haira because the night before we drank wine until we got drunk."

"Emang pikiran lu tuh mabok sam — ,"

"No need to continue, Ndra!" I shouted, almost whining at her, not to continue her words, and I knew where they would lead. "I'm really stupid, I know."

"Well, you know."

Jagad laughed a little at how we talked, "Well, let's just think about how you can apologize to Haira. Knowing Haira's attitude, I don't think she'll be angry for too long, but you have to be wise and explain to her about yesterday."

"Just buy some flowers." Giandra sipped her coffee slowly before continuing her words. "You know Haira really likes flowers."

I nodded while looking at my watch. "I think I might as well stop by her office. I'll just buy flowers at Gunawarman first." I added.

Giandra agreed to my plan and hurriedly told me to get up from where we were sitting.

As I started my car engine, the memories of our first meeting flooded back. I remember the genuine laughter and the way her eyes sparkled when she shared stories. Like when she mentioned how she always thought it was interesting that despite the fact that lilies are frequently seen at funerals, they are thought to symbolize rebirth and purity. Such contrast in a single bloom.

I was surprised to learn that flowers may speak to us in unexpected ways after having a conversation with her at the time. So I decided to learn more about it.

"This is Calla Lily, which represents 'beauty,'" I said as I gave her a pretty white flower with delicate petals.

"Oh my, I'm flattered," She said jokingly, holding it at a distance, as if it might crumble when she held it too close.

Even though she really likes flowers. She always said that he was bad with plants.

"But you are more beautiful."

Her ears turned red, and I began to sense her feelings.

"This is a bouquet of ranunculus." I passed it to her with my eyes already on the next bloom. "It says, 'I am enthralled by your charms.'"

I take out another stem bearing a pair of different blossoms from the bag I brought. "Violet, for faithfulness. And a red tulip."

I held the flowers and looked at her, waiting. She stared at the bouquet she was holding, as though the delicate petals could fortify her. Preparing herself to hear whatever would come out of my lips afterward.

"It means 'declaration of love.'"

Yes, I painstakingly learned the language of flowers, remembering them as well as I remember *myocardium and **pericardium just to express my love to her.

We kissed for the first time that night, with flowers pressed between us like a promise.

I remembered staring at her for a long time after we kissed. Usually, I know what to say, but at that moment, my mind was full of petals and symphonies. Even after a long time, there was still a part of me that was hesitant and doubtful that she had truly accepted me. But since we were finally together, there was a part of me that wanted to leap for joy.

"I am not kidding. I haven't been in love this hard," I gestured between us, "this is scary."

However, I knew she was anxious just like me, and somehow that makes me sure about our relationship. It was an honor for me to be the one who helped her open her heart. That was all I ever wanted, after all. Because I wanted someone as a place I could completely confide in and a person to tell me about anything and everything without filtering of any kind.

I could still clearly picture how I extended my hand to her and how she accepted it before entwining our fingers. I pictured roots creeping up through the stone and causing it to crumble, allowing the rock and tree to return to their rightful place in the soil.

I wish there was a flower to describe the way my heart began to bloom when she smiled at me.

And while remembering it all, here I am now, in a flower shop in the Gunawarman area, sorting out what flowers I should buy. My eyes were glued to one of the flowers in one corner of the shop. It was hyacinths. A purple one.

It's a symbol of sorrow.

An apology.

*****

*the muscles that make up the middle and thickest layer of the heart wall. This layer lies between the single-cell endocardium layer, which lines the inner chambers, and the outer epicardium, which makes up part of the pericardium that surrounds and protects the heart.**a fibrous sac that encloses the heart and great vessels. It keeps the heart in a stable location in the mediastinum, facilitates its movements, and separates it from the lungs and other mediastinal structures.