Forbidden Desire | sunsun

13

[tw // violence , abusive language]

Changing his destiny comes in the form of indulgence. It slowly creeps into Sunoo's life the same way the sun begins to thaw the earth after a long winter, tender and vulnerable. He lets himself enjoy his time with Sunghoon, even if it may be fleeting, without the worry of it being taken away. More than that, he lets himself believe that it's real.

"Sunghoon," he whispers, leaning back against the foot of his bed where the mattress cushions his head. Sunoo smiles when Sunghoon looks at him, sticking his legs out so that he can touch them. Sunghoon stands across from him in his work clothes, adjusting the cuff of his sleeve.

"Yes?" he says softly, kneeling down in front of him. He places his hands on Sunoo's calves, rubbing his skin through the fabric of his pants. The pressure is soft and soothing, slowly dragging over his skin.

Sunoo just smiles, closing his eyes as he melts into the feeling of Sunghoon's hands on him. It's something physical that he can cling to so he lets himself have it, counting the seconds before Sunghoon pulls away.

The nervous hesitance the two of them shared around each other gradually defrosted over the slow, autumn days, melting into a warm comfort that Sunoo has never felt with anyone else. This kind of warm feeling is one that Sunoo thinks is too good to be true, and he wonders what would happen if he were to voice his happiness out loud. The childish, scared part of himself believes that if he keeps his happiness silent, then no one will be cruel enough to take it from him.

"I missed you," Sunoo says eventually, the only form of honesty he's willing to give, even if it's not all of what he wants to say. "Come sit next to me." He pats the space beside him, reaching out for Sunghoon's hands.

"I'm working," Sunghoon protests, but he crawls closer anyway, his hands dragging up Sunoo's body. His fingers hook on the buttons of Sunoo's shirt, brushing over his chest. The way he touches him is delicate, like he's afraid of breaking him. Sunoo wonders why he'd bother to be so careful when Sunghoon already knows how just much he can take.

Despite his happiness, Sunoo hates that the only moments they have together are in secret. He wishes that Sunghoon wasn't something he can only have in private when all he wants to do is show him to the world. As long as he stays here, he'll never be able to have Sunghoon in the way that he wants.

It makes him want to leave even more.

"Sunghoon," Sunoo murmurs, resting his hands on either side of Sunghoon's face, gently brushing his cheeks with his thumbs where his skin is the softest. Like a peach.

"Sunoo," Sunghoon mirrors back. He licks his lips, his eyes flickering down to Sunoo's neck. He leans in closer, pushing the collar of Sunoo's shirt down to reveal a dark-coloured bruise his lips had left behind the night before. Sunoo wonders if it's begun to lighten and heal, or if it's still as dark as when Sunghoon had given it to him.

Although Sunoo worries he'll jinx himself into losing everything by saying it, at this moment he feels safe to say almost everything he wants, free from any fear or anxiety. With Sunghoon he doesn't need to worry, and he lets himself indulge, taking in the features of Sunghoon's face like he's seeing them for the first time.

"I feel happy today," Sunoo announces quietly, the words heavy for being so small.

Sunghoon's eyes widen, and he doesn't reply at first, emotions flickering across his face. "You do?" He asks the question carefully, like he worries they will shatter if he says them too sharply.