REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

30th Note

I parked my car in the basement before getting into the elevator. Pressed the floor number where my apartment was and greeted several people I knew in the hallway leading to my unit.

My hand slowly opened the door in front of me and saw a familiar figure sitting on the sofa before he jumped from his seat when he saw me enter my place.

His face was very happy as he looked at me before hugging me tightly. Surrounding me with the scent I miss so much. Without realizing it, my hands hugged his back. Squeezed the black sweater he was wearing.

"I'm really worried about you because you don't reply to my chats at all. But I remember that today you have to present a new hotel at the shareholder meeting."

I felt a hard pang in my chest.

He remembered.

His hands pushed my body slowly. Trying to see my facial expression better.

"Tell me, Queen." He smiled as he tucked my hair behind my ear. "How was it going?"

His handsome face was still the same as what I had seen before. His smile was still the same as usual. The way his smile crinkled the corners of his eyes, the way his gaze lingered a beat too long on mine — all these tiny details that used to fill me with warmth, now felt like shards of broken glass in my hand.

"Can I sit first?"

He laughed. His voice echoed in my ears. Creating a buzz that I couldn't get out of my mind.

With one tug, he picked me up before sitting me on the sofa. Still with the same smile, he waited for my answer. "I am so sorry for making you stand too long. So how was it?"

I stroked his face before smiling. "Everything went smoothly, and the shareholders also agreed that I would build the hotel in Maryland."

"See?" He screeched. "I know you can do it. "I'm sorry; yesterday I really bothered you because I was really worried."

He handed me a glass of drink. From the smell, I knew it was honey lemon, a drink I would always have after a hard day. I almost cried when I took the glass from his hand before taking a slow sip.

The tightness in my chest when I looked at his face made me remember how love had been a battlefield — a clash of egos and possessiveness before him. But with him, it was different. We were honest, even brutal sometimes, but the truth was a balm, not a weapon. We acknowledged the scars we carried, the mistakes we'd made, and somehow, it brought us closer. It felt illicit, exciting, like a secret language only we understood.

It wasn't perfect, of course. There were echoes of past hurts, moments when we almost tripped back into old patterns. But we learned from them, held each other accountable, and emerged stronger.

Or one morning, waking up tangled in his sheets, the sunlight streaming through the window hit me and I wasn't lost in the darkness anymore.

But now, why does everything seem to be a mess? Suddenly, our love, which always shone like a thousand shades of gold, transformed into black and white.

In my eyes, he was still the man I loved. He was a wonderful man in so many ways. Despite knowing he loved me and wanting to be together, the relationship wasn't working for now. My love for him was immense, but my insecurities were even stronger, leaving me feeling trapped.

These two feelings made me even more aware of how much I loved him and how much I wanted to let him go from me.

Rain lashed against the window, a relentless rhythm that mirrored the hammering in my chest. Steam swirled from my glass, fogging his face, which was adorned with a smile. It was a smile that could melt glaciers — a smile that now made my heart clench, not with joy but with profound sadness.

"Haira, Queen.." He called, his voice warm like my apartment lamplight, "You seem troubled."

"Do I?" I tried for a smile, but it must have resembled a grimace.

"Tell me what's wrong," he murmured.

"Jen." I called him softly.

"Yes, sayang?"

Taking another bracing breath, I met his gaze. "We... we can't do this anymore," I finally choked out, the tears already gathering behind my eyes.

Jendra's face paled. "Can't do what? Haira, what are you saying?" His eyes, usually the color of a warm honey sky, were clouded with a worry I hated to see reflected back at me.

"This," I whispered, gesturing between us, the weight of unspoken dreams heavy in the air. "Us. Jendra, we can't be together."

He stared at me, his face a mask of confusion and hurt.

I held his hand tightly. "Let's break up."

His eyes widened. "Hah?" I could feel his hand shaking in mine.

Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring the world around me. I blinked them back, forcing myself to look at him. "Jendra," I repeated, my voice thick with emotion, "I love you so much that it hurts me."

"No please." He shrieked. "I don't want it. I'm so sorry for everything that happened." He shook his head, denial etched on his face. "No, sayang. We can work through this. Whatever it is, we can fix it. I know I was wro — ,"

"Ssh. It's not about fixing," I whispered, then placed my forehead on his. "You always inspire me, challenge me, save me, and make me want to be a better person." Tears spilled down my cheeks now, hot and relentless. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's me. It's always been me."

"Then why?!" He screamed. Putting his face in both of our hands. "I can't, I don't want to break up with you." His hand tightened around mine. "I wouldn't dream of hurting you this way."

"But you already do," I whispered, the words a shard of painful truth.

Silence descended, punctuated only by the relentless rain. Jendra's gaze fell, his smile gone, replaced by a profound sadness that mirrored my own.

"Let me go, Jendra," I persisted, the words tasting like ashes in my mouth. "Find your own sunshine. Let me be your memory, not your burden."

He looked at me then, his eyes filled with a love so deep it threatened to pull me under. Tears streamed down my face, a waterfall of unshed love and unspoken dreams.

With a trembling voice, he finally whispered, "No. You are my sunshine, Sayang. I couldn't see my future without you in it." He looked away, his jaw clenched, his whole-body rigid with suppressed emotion. "I just... I really loved you, Haira."

"I know," I whispered, cupped his face, and forced him to look at me. His eyes stared at me with a lingering gaze. "I loved you too. More than words can ever say."

"If I let you go, will you ever know how much I love you?" His voice sounded hoarse. His hands were trembling, and I could see his body shaking. "Could you place my love inside your heart forever?"

I nodded, my heart shattering into a million pieces with each silent beat. "Always."

It wasn't easy for us to let each other go, and I knew it was better than anyone else.

"I promise, one day, I will go to you when your breath calls out to me again, when the weather is good, when both of us are mature enough and have made peace with ourselves.."

He didn't reply, but the silent tears tracing a path down his cheek spoke volumes more than anything.

I kissed him. But the kiss didn't feel like usual, and the hug wasn't as warm as it should be. Me and him, shrouded in fog, covered in the velvet of city lights. Stuck frozen in time.

"Now let me go, my king.."