REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

44th Note

The city hummed outside my window, a relentless thrum that mirrored the disquiet in my chest. Night was creeping in, slowly erasing the streaks of bruised purple and pink in the sky. It started to be a concrete jungle in the dark once I drove my car right to Haira's house. The city lights were starting to turn on, vehicles were overtaking each other, and traffic jams that still faithfully accompany me complemented my journey this time.

My hands tightly gripped the steering wheel while my heart continued to pray that Haira would meet me. Ten years ago, we were young, invincible, and the world shimmered with possibility. Her laughter, like wind chimes in a summer breeze, filled the air. We'd lie under a thick sky with stars somewhere in Lembang and her hand tracing constellations on my skin. Or when we spent our year-end holiday in Raja Ampat and got back with a terrible sunburn.

Every struggle she had in her company, even her sleep, was sometimes accompanied by nightmares. I was never absent from her life, and vice versa.

"I woke up still thinking about you," she'd murmur, her voice husky with sleep. "Like a dream that won't fade away."

And I believed her. I believed in the eternity reflected in her eyes, in the promises whispered between us that tasted like forever. But forever has a cruel way of slipping away, dissolving like morning mist under the relentless glare of reality. And the one most responsible for our unraveling was me.

Yes. Me.

Our story wasn't meant to end like this. We were a melody, intertwined and inseparable. Two humans with mismatched dreams were chasing a future bathed in golden light. But somewhere along the way, the dreams we once cradled diverged, growing heavy and cumbersome in our outstretched palms.

The cracks began subtly, whispers of doubt disguised as harmless arguments. Misunderstandings that arise continuously leave us like ships passing in the night. The silence grew louder as the laughter faded, replaced by a cold politeness that chilled me to the bone.

The last fight echoed in my head — a cacophony of accusations and unspoken truths. The hurt in her eyes, a mirror reflecting my own fractured self, was the final blow. She stormed out, leaving behind a silence that screamed louder than any fight ever could.

Our goodbye was a blur of tear-stained cheeks and choked apologies. We both knew it was inevitable — a slow burn that reached its fiery end. Yet, a part of me clung to the embers, hoping to rekindle the warmth.

I hurriedly got out of the car before pressing the bell next to the tall wooden door. Slowly, a familiar face appeared behind the fence. Greeted me with a happy smile.

"Den Jendra."

"Mbak," I smiled. "Hairanya ada?"

The household assistant at Haira's house seemed unsure about answering my question. But it wasn't long before she shook her head.

"Mbak Ra lagi nggak ada di rumah, Den."

A sudden feeling of disappointment filled my chest. Accompanied by silly questions that popped into my head.

'Does she not want to meet me?'

'Did she really throw me away?'

'Has she had enough of me?'

These questions kept popping into my head until I finally decided to visit her apartment. Maybe Haira was there.

'Is she lying?'

But Haira's car wasn't there either.

I slowly returned to the streets of Jakarta after saying goodbye.