My man (Colby x OC)

Part 3

Triggers for this chapter include: panic attack and referenced and completed self harm!! Please skip if you don't want to read this! I'll give a small synopsis in my AN so you can be kept up to date!

As we parked in the driveway, my heart started beating faster. I grabbed some of my bags and opened the car door, rushing to get inside. If Sam didn't see me, maybe I can avoid his anger for a while. Kat takes the last few bags and leads me to a room upstairs. It's beautiful, a simple bed with pristine white sheets and comforter, a dark wood desk, full length mirror, large window with a window seat and a view of the landscape behind the house. I set my things down and cautiously sit on the bed.

Why would Sam do this? For me? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve anything. Kat leaves and I look around, admiring the room. There's a knock on the door and I jump, not realizing it had closed.

"Come in!" I call, my voice shaking.

"Hey Vivi," Sam smiles and walks in. He gestures to the bed and I nod quickly. "You ok, sis?"

"I'm fine." My voice is raspy with nerves.

"What's up?"

"We spent so much money on your card! I'm so sorry I didn't realize." I burst into quiet tears, pulling my legs up to make myself smaller. Sam tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I jump up, crossing the room and curling in the corner. My eyes are wide and I choke on my own silent sobs. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

"Veronica," I hear his voice but it sounds far away. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I shouldn't be here. I'm not wanted. I'm going to fuck up Sam's life. I need to leave. He doesn't want me here. He doesn't love me. No one loves me. I'm useless. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I'm going to die. My lungs aren't working. I can't even get my body to function. I'm useless and unwanted and unloved and a slut and a whore. I spend other peoples money and waste their time. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

My hair is bundled in my hands and I'm pulling, trying to feel something. Trying to ground myself. I put my head against the wall and my hands around my throat, pushing as hard as I can. I feel more fingers around mine and Sam is there and he trying to kill me and I deserve this but he's not. And suddenly the pressure releases on my neck and my hands are planted flat on the floor and I can feel the carpet. Sam is looking at me. He's worried. I see his mouth moving but my heartbeat is too loud in my own ears I can't hear him. I hit my head against the wall. I need to feel. I need to know I'm still here. I need to-

"Veronica!" Sam grabs my head and my shoulders and pulls me into him. I claw at his arm, trying to grab hold of something real. "Veronica, it's ok. You're fine. I don't care how much you've spent. As long as you're ok, I am. Alright?" My eyes are wide and tears are still pouring down my face. Sam holds me tighter, pressing my ear to his chest so I can hear his heartbeat. I still cling to his arm but my fingers stop scratching and my head slowly stops screaming at me to kill myself.

I trace the marks on my arms where some of the skin is still healing. I feel my mistakes and ground myself knowing I can feel. I've proved it with those. I can feel. I can breathe. I can breathe. I can breathe.

Sam sighs and holds me for another minute, watching as I trace the scars and healing wounds.

"How long ago?" He holds my wrist, covering it.

"Two days before I was kicked out." I whisper.

"Ok." I meet his eyes and he looks like he might cry. Why would he be crying for me? "Anywhere else?"

"My legs but that was a few weeks ago." I feel him nod and release me from his arms. "I'm sorry. I should have kept it together." I move away so we're facing each other.

"No, don't be sorry. It's understandable." He looks down. "Just come find me if you can when this happens or if you hurt yourself again. I'll always be here to help you, ok? You'll never be a burden. I promise."

"Why are you doing this?" Sam cocks his head. "Why do you care?"

"Because I love you! You're my sister. You're important to me and I want to help you and protect you and make you feel loved because the douchebag that we grew up with made you believe that you could never be loved but he was wrong. You can be. And you are. By me. I will always love you, ok V?"

I'm surprised but I nod. Sam gets up and holds a hand out.

"Want some tea? I got lavender while you were out shopping because I know it calms you down. We can watch a movie?"

I let a small smile come on my face and nod, taking his hand to get up. He leads me to the kitchen where an electric kettle is sitting on the counter he grabs a mug and pours some water into the machine. "You can choose a movie and I can make your tea? The remotes on the coffee table." I hum and go to the couch, curling into a ball and pulling a blanket over my legs. I open Disney+ and find Lion King, my favorite movie. When Sam walks over with two mugs of tea he chuckles.

"Why am I not surprised, Roni." He smiles and hands me a cup, putting his feet on the plush ottoman and flopping the end of the blanket onto his own legs. "Start it up, sis!"

AN: what's up guys it's your author! So synopsis of this chapter, Roni gets home and has a panic attack that Sam helps her through and they have a short conversation about her SH then they have a cutsie little movie night with tea! Hope yall enjoyed the chapter!
xx-M