Horns of Revenge (Book 1 of Horns Unveiled Series)

Chapter 8

Flashback 9.

2259-2262 year.

However, after a couple of years, something changed, and Marcelyn and I somehow transitioned from being enemies to becoming friends, and eventually, best friends. We had spent most of our time together, even more time that I was spending with my boys. Perhaps I had been completely devoured by her and her only. Honestly I didn't mind, I was enjoying every minute that I had spent with her. She was even trying to change my style to a more feminine one to get me a boyfriend. However, I was not interested about looking for any boyfriend, I wanted her, but I fell for her tricks and tried to do everything to impress her. Feasibly I had got obsessed with her. I was addicted to this sort of love. Marcelyn was a very popular girl in school and outside of it. She had many friends of her and of course many admirers even among the girls. Unfortunately, I wasn't an exception.

Once we were watching a film together. We always liked to watch something spicy and romantic that was surely very naughty back at those days. At least we thought like this. Nevertheless, we knew that if we were caught with that our parents would be really mad and angry. While we were watching a film one scene with a kiss popped up on a screen that made me blush and obsessive thoughts began to cloud my mind.

"Oh, wow, they are finally kissing each other!" Marcelyn said aloud and kicked my dirty mind out of daydreaming.

"Ahem...yeah," I was suddenly embarrassed and hesitated to speak for a moment. "Have you... uhm... tried to kiss anyone?" The question treacherously escaped from my mind.

"Yeah. We did it with one of my other friends just for fun and curiosity. I have to be prepared for my future boyfriend, you know, need to have some prowess." She said confidently and I widened my eyes at her level of courage.

"I wish I could try it out with someone as well..." My voice acquired a note of sadness and despair.

"I could teach you," she said seductively that made me blush more intensively.

"I-I...I do not know... I don't think that I am that ready, but thanks!" I giggled and pulled back suddenly, a bit of a distance between us now wouldn't hurt.

"Just kidding, Diana. You should have seen your face and the way you are so tense, God! So funny!" She laughed loudly and turned her gaze away from me back to the screen and to the film.

"I missed everything, I missed my only chance to be kissed, well, at least by someone! Idiot. Why you cannot be just confident enough to speak aloud of your wishes and desires? Jesus, you are so stupid. Look at you now. Sitting here all blushing in front of your best friend. Oh, you are in love. Poor, poor, poor thing. How pathetic! You are pathetic and miserable! Urgh!" I sighed with a relief but the thoughts in my head decided to start a war among themselves about the fact that I was such a fool.

I attempted to distract myself from my feelings for my friend as much as possible. I believed that it was disgusting and wrong, although these thoughts might not have been entirely mine. I was influenced by the information and opinions I received from my parents. Yet, I started thinking of myself as some kind of terrible monster for loving a person of my own sex. I didn't fully comprehend how disastrous it might be for my parents, but the fear was overwhelming. I was afraid I'd be kicked out of the house if they ever discovered my secret. So, I made a solemn vow to steer myself onto the right path – the path of opposite-sex love for the sake of societal approval and to please my family. I was determined to be "good", a people-pleaser, as I would later come to understand, and that would significantly impact my life.

During those years, I attempted to date boys, often seeking out older high school students, as my peers didn't seem particularly interested in such matters. I scoured other classes in search of a potential partner. There was this one guy, a grade older, with dark curly hair and captivating green eyes, who seemed to show interest in me. It felt mutual, although not love at first sight, like in the movies. We spent considerable time together, getting to know each other. Yet, despite my efforts to distract myself with him, my thoughts were perpetually consumed by Marcelyn. She remained in my mind every second. When the guy began to make physical advances, attempting to show his feelings and kiss me, it felt like a nightmare. I felt nauseated by his displays of affection. I vividly remember how he tightly embraced me, trying to kiss me while I struggled to keep our lips apart. Eventually, I managed to break free from his grip. He stated that without physical intimacy, he wasn't interested in continuing our relationship. That encounter marked the end of our interaction. He was the last guy I genuinely liked. Following that, I lost interest in pursuing the opposite sex. The potential candidates around me seemed to consist only of jerks who either humiliated me or despised me for who I was. I felt lost, not knowing where I belonged. I went through days and nights trying to vomit, attempting to physically rid myself of these feelings for her. However, this only exacerbated my inner turmoil. Love and its expressions became nightmarish and felt like a curse. I grew to despise
everything, particularly myself.