Swerving Beyond Uncertainties (The Sensual Politics Series #1)

Prologue

Prologue

When I was young, I was contemplating the importance of family in a child's life. Dati, atat na atat talaga ako sa kalinga ng mga magulang. I was seven when I realized I have no parents. Lahat ng kaklase ko noon, sinusundo sila ng mga magulang nila habang ako, nag-iisang umuuwi palagi.

I often cried about it. At a young age, I learned to stand on my own feet; I learned to be independent. At a young age, I realized I need to be used to being alone, because I have nothing to hold on to. Kung dati, 'di ko pa maintindihan, ngayon parang gusto ko nalang hindi intindihin.

Family sucks. That's for sure. Tanginang pamilya 'yan.

Kung dati, atat na atat ako sa pamilya, dati lang 'yon.

I watch the car go by in front of me through the glass. As I watched them, I couldn't help but to sigh.

Some of the cars drove swiftly, while some of them were on slow movement. Faster cars are as if they are running away from their reality, while the slow cars were the ones who savored every second of their lives with no drama at all.

If I were to be a driver, gusto ko 'yong mabilis. No one would want my life; my reality. Maski ako. Gustong gusto kong tumakas sa buhay na 'to. But . . .

'No ba 'yan, Olivia! Nagdrama pa, sasakyan lang 'yan, eh.

Pinalis ko ang luhang kumawala sa mata ko. Napakaiyakin ko talaga. Daming drama sa buhay. Dalidali 'kong kinuha ang mga bag ko sa table at lumbas na sa coffee shop na pinagtambayan ko kanina pang alas singko. Doon na ako nag-umagahan . . . ng kape.

It's the first day of school of my life being a grade twelve student. Kunting kembot na lang talaga, college na ako. Ta's pagka-college, kunting kembot ulit para graduate. I need to prove to myself I can do well to myself despite being alone.

Pero sa tingin ko hindi ko pa magagawa ang 'well' para sa sarili ko. Pagtingin ko sa relo ko, It was already seven thirty in the morning.

Late ako!

I cannot be late! Not in my lifetime.

Tumakbo ako ng napakabilis papunta sa campus at halos gusto kong sampalin ang sarili ko nang makitang sarado na ang school gate. The town's hymn is also on play. Taena naman, eh. Ba't pa kasi nagdrama! Na-late pa tuloy.

Nakita 'kong nakakunot ang noo ng school guard sa'kin habang hinihingal ako. Ngumiti ako sa kan'ya ng hilaw. Kumaway pa ako para makagawa ng impresyon sa kanya.

"Kuya, late na po ba ako?" tanong ko kahit obvious. Anong katangahan 'to?

"Neng, hindi ka na sana pumunta," he fired, "Simula ng pasukan, late ka? Pariwarang bata."

That made me frowned, "Kuya, kasi-,"

He shut me, "Huwag ka ng mangatwiran. Rason, rason, rason. Mga bata ngayon."

"Na-flat po kasi 'yong tricycle na sinakyan ko, eh. Kuya naman, ngayon lang," I begged for the second time. Nagsinungaling pa ako.

"Dami mong satsat. Umuwi ka na lang. Halatang nagsisinungaling," he ranted that made me feel hopeless, "Batang walang desiplina. Hindi ka ba tinuruan ng desiplina ng mga magulang mo?"