big ugly awful world

chapter 1: dreadful private school life

People wish to disappear from the world leaving no trace behind at least once in their life. well, I have had this thought many times before but the first was when I first entered private school. I have to admit, I am naturally really smart. Though, I wish I wasn't.

Being smart has never done me any favour besides some compliments from others. My parents say that I am a gift from god. They named me Nicolas after Nicola Tesla. I wish it was after Nicholas cage instead. He is way more fun to me than Nicola Tesla. anyways, I always hate when my parents compliment me. "Oh! Nicolas this, Nicolas that!". It's so dumb to me because I am not actually smart.
Especially after I got a scholarship to an amazing private school in fifth grade. I realised that I don't even have 10% smartness of actual smart people. It also turns out that "amazing" private school isn't so amazing at all. Little me had to move into the hostel of the school due to the school being way too far from my home. I was devastated to be away from my family. Though, this also built a small hatred in my heart of my family because how could they even let me be away at such a young age! The only way to contact them was through the telephone that was far away from my small cramped room of 3 boys, in the Dean's office. It was already hard enough to go to the main building of the school, how could my little boy legs have enough energy to even go there! I rarely talked with my family. They rarely came to visit me due to their jobs. They were always busy. I hated them so much back then.

The boys in my school weren't making experience better either. Especially since they were richer students with big egos who got into the school because of their rich families. Of course there were nicer students as well. But I would have met them only if I  wasn't being teased and bothered by the bullies all the time! First, it was just teasing but as we got older, the more horrible they got. They smoke, write bad stuffs on the back of the school walls and torture newer students with the help of older students. Their main and oldest target is me of course. They forced me to smoke even if I didn't want to. They beat me every.. single..time..I didn't obey them. One time, they poured juice all over me Infront of the whole school. Nobody came to help me, not even the teachers. I was soaked with sticky orange juice. Even worse, it was raining. In the name of helping me open my umbrella, they stole it. I was drenched in the rain.  I was humiliated.

Over the years of bullying, I learned to control my anger. Its better to obey them then get on their nerves and get worse of the bullying. I learned that from the time I tried to snitch on them for writing atrocious things about a teacher. Well, that backfired. All the teachers had to do was look at the boy's faces and say that they didn't do anything wrong. Of course they didn't do anything wrong, they are angels , aren't they? Well, that's sarcasm. The bullies told the teachers I blamed them and I was the one who actually did it. Thankfully the teachers didn't call my parents and gave me just a warning. But, something in my guts tells me that the teachers knew it wasn't me. After snitching, the boys locked me in the bathroom stall for 3 hours until they felt satisfied. They threatened to  do worse next time. I was horrified.

Life is cruel. I regret everything I did in my life. I should have just pretended to be dumb in the past. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten into this god awful school if I had done it. I shouldn't be this sad. I am just 15 after all.