A Dim Light in the Night Sky

6

Having nearly lost my ways as a wanderer, I often ask myself why am I still here? Was it simply to save up more money from my job before I head to my next destination? Or is there still some unfinished business, a purpose yet to be discovered, that keeps me anchored in this place.

I did not know the answer, but in order to maintain some semblance of my old ways I spent my free time wandering the city's streets, seeking solace and perhaps a clue to the mystery of my lingering.

That evening felt darker and colder than usual as I was walked down the inner city streets. The sidewalks were a grim tapestry, littered with the sights of homeless people sleeping shamelessly. Junkies, showing no sign of caring that they were in public, injected needles into their arms right in plain sight. With my guard up, but otherwise a feeling of indifference I just walked past them. As long as they left me alone, I would leave them alone too.

"Are we going to my place or yours?" I heard an aggressive man's voice say.

I looked over and my heart stopped. It was none other than Marisol! She was approached by a tall man. Despite him being well dressed with neatly trimmed hair, he did not hesitate to be forceful in his approach. He viciously pinned her to a wall and began groping her breasts.

Marisol momentarily locked eyes with me. She smiled at me for a moment before the look real sadness set in. She stayed silent as she turned her eyes away from me, lowering her head in shame as the man continued to grope her.

Not knowing what to do anymore I just paused for a moment. Could she have wanted my help? Part of me wanted to beat the living hell out of that man and reclaim her as my woman.

But I knew I had to stay firm in my resolve. Nothing about her would change if I did. She would still continue sneaking out at night to do things I don't even want to imagine.

Knowing I had to cast my feeling for her aside, I started walking away, refusing to look back at her. This was her life and there was nothing I could do about it.

I just continued slowly walking away from her with no particular destination in mind. I just needed to get far away from her. Running would have been a lot easier, but that make it obvious to Marisol that I still had strong feelings for her. It was necessary for me to put on the appearance that I was calmly walking away from her, as if she was nothing.

I passed many bars, but did not stop at any of them. No alcohol was strong enough to drown her memory out. Many prostitutes solicited me on my walk, but I refused to give them the time of day. Trying to forget about one prostitute by hiring another was the very definition of counterproductive.

All I could do was wear myself out physically by walking endlessly. That was the only way I could hope to get to sleep.

***

Amber lights flickered gently as violin music was playing softly. With Marisol's hand in mine we danced slowly, moving in harmony with the tender melody. I looked into her eyes which glowed with the beauty of a thousand stars, yet radiated with the melancholy of a thousand sorrows.

"Why didn't you save me?" Her sad voice was gentle as the night time breeze.

"I can't save you from yourself."

I held her close and continued dancing with her. We moved in sync, the world around us faded away as we looked in each other's eyes. She was so close to me, yet felt so far away.

Really I wanted to hug her and squeeze her with all my might. I wanted to tell her it was ok and that I forgive her and want to start over with her. It took everything I had to refrain myself and continue with this gentle dance.