Professor Schad's Gorilla Misadventures

2. Superacids Galore

Trigger warning: mention of animal testing after the experiments are snatched

"Is this magic acid?" Jacky demanded, snatching the deadly bottle from Professor Schad's hands.

"No...?" Professor Schad had many more absolutely horrifying superacids stored in his pockets which he chose not to disclose. If any of these superacids became even slightly unscrewed, Professor Schad was risking being dead in seconds. This was especially true of the fluoroantimonic acid he had stashed away; this was the strongest superacid to ever be discovered, and there wasn't an awful lot this acid wouldn't eat through. If it was ever found in his possession, Professor Schad could forget about ordinary prison. No, he would immediately be thrown into a counterterrorism programme! Although, to be fair, this could be said of all of the acids which he had stashed in his coat.

Jacky sensed this and went rummaging through his pockets. From these pockets, they extracted bistriflimide, perchloric acid, and three types of carborane acid (the fluoroantimonic acid went undiscovered). They placed these acids on the table, holding them well away from their body as if they would burn holes in them just by being looked at.

Professor Schad stood there nervously. He looked as though this was the equivalent of being a child caught with a handheld console in the middle of the night, although it was obviously just slightly worse.

"Do you have a clue how dangerous this is?" Jacky snapped. "Do you know what's gonna happen the second you open those bottles? Has it ever occurred to you why exactly superacids are called superacids?"

"I'm playing with them so I can go back to my social group and tell them about my findings!" lied Professor Schad, grabbing the superacids and stuffing them back into his coat. He made for the door, determined to get to his practically radioactive lab and lock himself in.

Jacky blocked the door. "You're not going anywhere until you give me those fucking chemicals."

Professor Schad tried to dart between the gaps which Jacky could not fill, but they proceeded to stand like a starfish and wait until he tired himself out. However, this was not what ended up happening; as soon as Professor Schad realised that his original plan was clearly never going to work, he proceeded to make for Jacky's pockets.

Jacky shoved the gremlin away. Professor Schad wasn't giving up, though; he sprang back towards the superacids, and, locked in a sudden wrestling match, the two of them fell to the floor. The superacids went flying out everywhere. They pinged off of every surface imaginable, making a racket as violent as the effects of their contents.

One of the bottles hit the table at exactly the wrong angle.

It was as though everything onwards was in slow motion. The superacid came flying out as though it were a tech store demonstration of the most impressive television picture on the market, glinting in the last sunlight of the day. It remained in the air, serene as could be... until it didn't. It hit the fridge. It hit the counter. It hit the window and the cupboards and the floor, and immediately, a plume of choking gas began to fill the room. The floor burst into flames.

Professor Schad and Jacky scrambled out of the room and slammed the door. "DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!," screamed Jacky, but he didn't need telling; Professor Schad was already throwing himself upstairs and bolting towards his lab. He yanked a bottle from his incredibly cluttered cabinet. Back downstairs he rushed. He didn't even bother to shut the door; Jacky's reaction to its current state could wait.

Once Professor Schad had returned, he swung open the kitchen door and dumped the entire contents of the bottle onto the floor before immediately slamming the door again. That would stop the reaction.