Finding you

Chapter 5

I hear my alarm clock. I pick up my phone and check the time. It's seven o'clock. I put my phone back and stare at the ceiling. When I think about Paris, adrenaline rushes through my body. I'm so excited. A new adventure, a new chapter. I get up and walk to my kitchen. I open my pink fridge and take out some strawberries. I sit down on my couch and look out the large windows of my apartment. I see people walking on the street, buses driving by, two birds, and a kissing couple. I hope that one day I will also walk down the street hand in hand with the man of my dreams. But I haven't met that man yet. Part of me hopes to find him in Paris, but maybe that's too much to hope for. I eat a few strawberries and then put them back in the pink fridge. I walk to my bathroom and get ready for the day. Suddenly, I hear my phone ring. It's my mother. I answer.

"Darling, I found some old diaries from the past. What do you want me to do with them?" she asks.

"I'll pick them up after work," I say.

"Great, see you then!" my mother says. I hang up, grab my bag, and head outside. I put on my headphones and listen to soothing music. The morning sun shines on my face as I walk to the bus stop. The day goes by slowly; I make some designs and during my break, I look up things about Paris. After work, I go to my parents' place and pick up the old diaries. I'm curious about what I wrote back in high school. I remember some things, but not much. When I get home, I sit on the couch and open a diary. On the first page, it says May 30, 2016. I was in the fourth year of high school then. I open the first page and start reading:

"Dear Diary, Today was an ordinary day, but tomorrow will be a day to never forget! We're going on a school trip to Brooklyn. I can hardly wait. I'm so excited, especially because I'm going with my best friends Lily, Mason, and Noah. We've been talking about it for weeks. Lily has made a whole list of things we want to see, like the famous Brooklyn Bridge Park and the Brooklyn Museum. Mason promised to bring enough snacks for the trip, and Noah... well, Noah always brings the jokes and the good vibes. I'm so curious about the atmosphere there and all the new things we're going to discover. It feels like we're going on a real adventure, away from the usual school routine and our familiar surroundings. Brooklyn seems like such a lively and exciting place. My bag is already packed, and my clothes are ready. We leave early tomorrow, so I need to go to bed on time, but I don't know if I can sleep with all this excitement in my head. I'll tell you everything when we get back, so I can cherish this memory forever. Love, June"

All the memories come flooding back. I feel tears well up as I read it again. When I read Mason's name, I get a lump in my throat. The last time I saw him, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but I was too late. Luna got to him first, and I lost him forever. He never knew that I loved him. I had known Mason since the first year of high school. I had known Noah and Lily since we were kids. Mason and I always had a good bond. We were inseparable. We were always together, so much so that people often thought we were family. The last time I saw him was at our graduation in the last year of high school. I had feelings for him for two years, since the fourth year, but I never dared to tell him. In the fifth year, we kissed once. But we were both drunk, and when Mason said it was a joke, I definitely didn't dare to tell him how I felt. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. But later, I regretted not telling him how I felt. When I saw him with Luna and saw him happy, I knew I couldn't stand in the way of his happiness. So, that was the last time I ever spoke to him. I went on to study and never contacted him again. I never knew if he had feelings for me too, but it didn't matter anymore. I stayed in touch with Noah for the first two years, but then he went to study in London, and we lost contact. Lily and I are still best friends. We both stayed in New York City and kept in touch. Lily never understood why I didn't contact Mason and just tell him how I felt. But something inside me told me to let him go, and I did. As I flip through my diary, I start to wonder more and more how Mason and Noah are doing now. Even Lily has lost contact with them. Should I send them a message to meet up? Or would that be too emotionally overwhelming for me? I don't know. Something inside me tells me to let it go and move on with my life. But I can't get Mason out of my head now. I will always love him deep down inside. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget him.

I close the diary and put it back in the box it came in. I don't know if I regret reading that diary again. I keep thinking about the past. How fun it was with the four of us. But times are different now. And I need to be able to let go of the past. I need to think about the future, about Paris, for example. I get up and walk to the kitchen where I had put my bag. I take my laptop out of my bag and sit back down on the couch. I open my laptop and scroll through my documents. I'm looking for a specific document. Ellie asked me today to create some designs for Paris. I knew right away what I was going to make. During my studies, I had designed a beautiful dress, hoping to show it to the world one day, but I never really had the chance. Maybe now is the chance to show this dress. I search for the document and find it. I make some adjustments, but it's already evening. When I'm almost done, I get up and walk back to the kitchen. I quickly cook some dinner with the leftovers from the fridge. Then I go back to the couch. I open my phone and read some messages.

"I have something to tell you. Can we meet tomorrow? Love, Lily xxx"

I reply immediately and say that I can definitely meet tomorrow. I'm curious about what she has to tell me. I put my phone aside and turn on the TV. I watch a few episodes of Gossip Girl and then go to sleep. I walk to my bathroom and get ready for bed. I crawl into my bed and fall asleep immediately.