Jun Sickfics (Seventeen)

Anxiety

Jun POV:

It was the day before the performance and I was already nervous. We were practicing the dance one more time and I was tense. I was also having a difficult time trying to concentrate on the dance. We were only a bit into the dance but I already started breathing heavily. I think everyone noticed so they decided to call a break. I sat on the floor. We've performed many times just this performance seems different. It stressing me out more than it should. I saw my member Hoshi walk over and he sat next to me. He then asked me "Are you okay Jun you seemed kinda tense while dancing" "Yeah I'm just a little nervous for the performance" I said. He comforted me and told me not to worry.

Later, we went back to the dorms and started getting ready to go to sleep. I took a shower and got changed and I laid in bed. For some reason I could not fall asleep. I was trying every position I could but nothing worked. I groaned not knowing what to do. Probably my anxiety getting the best of me. I can't even sleep now! After a long time I finally fell asleep.

Today was the day of the concert. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was stressed out of my mind and I had a headache from the lack of sleep. I was basically trembling while getting out of bed. I don't know if I can do this. My heart was beating fast and I was breathing quickly. If I'm being honest, I had nothing to worry about but I just was. I took a cold shower to see if it would help but it didn't. I just wanted to feel okay today.

The members and I went to eat breakfast. I barely had anything. I thought I would've thrown up. We all got in the van and started driving. I was fidgeting with my fingers. I was basically already sweating. We finally got there and we started to get ready. While I was getting my makeup done I stared at the mirror intensely. I needed to be perfect. I can't mess up. The makeup artist seemed to noticed and asked me if I needed a break. I agreed and I started changing into my performance clothes. After a bit I finally finished getting ready.

Finally we were going on stage. I put on a fake smile. I heard the cheers of our fans. After hearing them and how excited they were, I knew I couldn't disappoint. I danced as hard as I could, putting in all my effort. We started the second song and we danced. We were at the chorus and the worst thing ever happened. I made a mistake. The members noticed how panicked I was. This made me feel hopeless. I wanted to cry. I can't believe I made a mistake. I ran off stage and cried backstage.

I was disappointed. My reaction up there was unprofessional. I started bawling. I was nauseous and I just wanted to go home. The song ended and I saw my members rushing in. I didn't want to see them. I knew what they would ask. The members came over to me and gave me a big group hug. I just cried more. "Jun it's okay it's just a slight mistake you're fine" Hoshi tried to comfort me. "No it's not" I sobbed my voice cracking at the end. "I ruined the performance."
The members looked at me with pity which did not make me feel better.

Suddenly I started breathing heavily. It was uneven and I was struggling. The members noticed and Seungcheol immediately called to give me an oxygen can. I tried to calm down but nothing helped. Minghao hugged me and I hugged back. That helped a lot and I started to calm down. I stopped crying and I just stared. I couldn't help but feel the empty pit in my stomach. I ran away like a coward. "I wanna go home" I said. The members immediately agreed and we all went in the van. We started to drive back to the dorms.

I got home and went straight into my room. I just laid there without a sense of moving. I opened to see comments to see if anyone was being rude. To my surprise, there were tons of comments filled with concern and asking if I was okay. That made me feel a lot better. Later, the members decided to have a movie night to cheer me up. They even let me pick the movie. The members did there all to comfort me. After a while, I started to have less anxiety and panic attacks. I was very happy.

The End 🎂