The Chronicles Of The Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder

Chapter 1 - The Diagnosis

       I wake up as my alarm goes off, almost merging into my dream that I now can't remember. Dreams are weird like that. The sun gleams into my bedroom window in an orange and yellow glow. I take a deep breath and just let the sun rays engulf me in their warmth.

      Today is my weekly appointment with my therapist another day of talking my depression, PTSD and my anxiety disorder you know the usual things that people like me don't exactly like revisiting or talking about but fuck it we ball I guess. "SIERRA" my mom yells at me from the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen and my mom is standing there with an irritated look on her face. "What's up mom?" she looks at me for a couple seconds before responding "Sierra Nicole what did I tell you about cleaning up after yourself" I roll my eyes "mom why do you have to be on my ass about everything? Im fucking tired of it" I sigh as I wait for her response "Sierra you need to be more responsible" I look into her eyes "you dont think im trying to be? It's kinda hard when there's someone up my ass bitching at me about everything" I roll my eyes and walk away. I don't have time to deal with her shit today.

      The day goes by quickly but for some reason I don't remember a big chunk of my day but as usual I blame it on my anxiety. I get into my car and drive to my therapists office mentally preparing for the next hour having to talk about all the issues I hate reliving.

        Im sitting in this secluded room with a couch and my therapist sitting in a chair across from me writing about every aspect of my life. I always feel like she's silently judging everything I tell her. "So Sierra, have you been getting out of the house?" I mean I really haven't just havent had the motivation to. 'Do you want me to lie? Or do you want the truth?" she giggles slightly "I mean I obviously want the truth" so I tell her the truth. About 30 minutes pass and she looks at me "we've been seeing each other for a while now and I have something I need to tell you" My breath catches in my throat and suddenly I feel hot any time anyone has said "I have something to tell you" it was always something bad. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears "O-Okay um what... what is it?" I say my breathing shaky "so ive been looking into some of the things you've told me and im one hundred percent sure you have a mental health disorder called borderline personality disorder" Great another reason for people to think im fucking crazy. "So um what does that mean?"