A Dangerous Friend - Nachaeng

Say It Ain't So

"Chaeyoung..."

Chaeyoung didn't want to hear it. She'd been practicing this speech on the road for eight hours, and she was damned if it was going to go to waste. "Please, just give me two minutes, okay? That's all I ask. Please?"

Nayeon didn't say anything, so she plunged in. "Look," she said, "I know what you said, and I get it, I really do. I don't want to make you unhappy, Nayeon, that's the last thing I want. I know you've got your life with Nana and you don't want anything to upset that, and I know I've got no right to roll up here and make things difficult for you, not after the way I treated you. You don't owe me anything. But..."

She sighed. "I don't want to pressure you, I know that's only going to make things worse. You're stuck in the middle, and that's not fair to you. But I have to know. I have to know if you meant it. Because I don't think you really want that, Nayeon, not after everything we went through at school. Not after last week. If you do, if you really think this is for the best, then I understand, and I'll walk away. But I have to hear it from you. Honestly. Face to face."

There was a long pause.

"Please, Nayeon," she said, quietly. "I've come a long way."

Nayeon's shoulders sagged as she looked away, lips set tight, and Chaeyoung felt her world slipping away.

You've lost. You're on your own. After a moment, she reached for her hat. "I see," she said, clearing her throat and trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. "Then I guess I'll-"

She didn't get any further, because the other end of the hat was pinned down by Nayeon.

"No."

Chaeyoung looked up into sad brown eyes. "No, what?" She said, cautiously. "No, you don't want that, or no, I can't have my hat?"

Nayeon let go of the hat. "No," she said, softly. "I don't want that."

Chaeyoung let go of the breath she felt like she'd been holding since she walked into the diner. "Then why?" She said. "Why would you say that? I mean, I know Nana doesn't like me, but she can't just tell you what to do."

"She didn't tell me to do it."

"What? Then-"

"She just said she'd leave me if I didn't."

.

.

.

They sat in silence on the bench behind the diner. Nayeon had negotiated a ten minute break with Yumi, but it seemed as though they were going to spend most of it staring at the air-conditioning.

Chaeyoung stole a glance at her companion. She'd always thought of Nayeon as childlike in many ways, an ungainly tangle of arms and hair, with a well-meaning smile, a cute nose and puffy cheeks. But seeing her like this - in profile, hair blown back by the breeze, her face lined with the cares of the world - she realized that she was looking at a grown woman, and felt a slight pang of guilt.

She wondered if Nayeon knew how drop dead beautiful she was, or whether her years of belittlement at Chaeyoung's hand had left her diminished somehow, uncertain of her own worth.

"Nayeon..."

"This hasn't been easy for me, Chaeyoung," Nayeon said, quietly. "I know I made it sound like it was, but it wasn't." She paused, and looked up at the skyline. "This place," she said, "It's not like L.A. It's a small town. People look at you when you go out, there's graffiti in the washroom. There are bars you can't go to together, places where they'll... where you're not welcome."