Mask of Misery

Chapter 7

My hands rim the edges of the photo. His smiling face seemed so bright against the face of time that I believed he was almost here.

'Rohan class 2014-15'

"So, what are you looking at?" Afeefa comments from behind the wheel. We were both assigned one car to drive to the investor's meeting. Being the more conscious and experienced driver, she volunteered to drive. Although...

I smile as I quickly slide it into my pocket. I desperately asked my brain to think of something creative to change the topic. "You're not going to smash the car straight into a tree. Right?" my awkward laugh dies out when she responds with her classic 'only if you want me to.'

I have always known about Afeefa's self-deprecating tendencies, and I would be lying if I said I hadn't seen her try to cross the river of life more than once. Nonetheless, it isn't easy to digest that I could see her one day and then lose the one person who raised me when no one was around.

From the day I came here, she has been my home. From staying up with me when I caught a fever to buying me ice cream when I left like a disgrace to humanity after my exams, she has done it all despite not being obligated to do so. At the end of the day, she was a mentor, and I was just a directionless teenager who showed up randomly. She didn't need to be there for me, but she was.

With the comfort of Afeefa comes this- unrest, which feels like all your cells decided to repel each other and split you in half. A feeling of anxiousness looms over me every day as I imagine the people closest to me dying. I start grieving for them before they have the chance to leave just because I've been ready to see her go.

Afeefa had never cried, yet her eyes had a melancholic ocean brewing. You wouldn't want to stare into them, but you wouldn't have a choice.

When I had just arrived, I spent hours looking at her and doing her work. She was so systemic and perfect that I used to be jealous of her. Later, I found out that maybe I shouldn't have been envious. If her kind of precision came with the price of my mental stability, I don't want to be that perfect. It's too late to take it back now, anyway.

I am unaware of most of the tornados that eternally torment her mind. But from the stories about her I hear from her and our colleagues and read, I can tell it wouldn't be a drizzle in there—more like the Black Sea, if I'm being honest.

"You look like you have a lot on your mind right now," Afeefa hums quietly as we gradually leave the town.

"No, it's nothing; I'm just worried about the mission," I say, trying to act as casually as I could pull out of me. I ignored the nearly one-minute-long break I took to respond.

"How about this...We take a small break. I'm getting tired of driving anyway," she says as the car halts in a parking lot.

"Do you want me to take the wheel-"

"No," she responds before I can finish.

"I think you and I can both agree that I'm a better driver," I laugh as I turn to face her, only to find her already looking at me. She wasn't smiling like she usually was.

She had disappointment all over her face, which quickly made me shrink. I didn't do anything wrong...usually.

"What's wrong?" I ask with a smile as I watch her take a deep breath of frustration. Her eyes didn't meet mine as she looked forward. The clouds that were previously looming over us slowly pelted rain on the window.

"Rohini. Do you miss him?" She said, her voice hoarse as she removed her glasses and finally turned towards me. I caught my breath and felt her eyes bare into me, reading things I didn't want anyone to know.

"Miss who?" I say with a soft smile. Playing oblivious, I knew who we were talking about, I think.

"The boy in your pocket," she said, shaking her head. She starts again,

"It's not."

A long pause sets in as she takes a deep breath.

"Wrong to miss him."

She looks at me with this understanding look. But she didn't understand. Not to the degree she believes she does. Not in this matter, at least. No one would understand because no one had experienced what I had done. No one can put themselves in my shoes because no one knows about it.

I have not dared articulate and verbalise it. If I do, I fear guilt will start feasting, and I shall be its main course. It has already had its share, so it really isn't fair.

"It is. He was a traitor." I sigh as, this time, I turn away, avoiding looking at her. What if she finally understands, and I have to bear my heart open? I hate holding eye contact for this reason. What if.

"He was." She agrees softly. "He was also the one who saved you from your cruel faith. He was the one who raised Aditya and you. He protected you two. He worked two jobs while balancing his education. He chose long missions at the cost of his comfort so that you two could get a more comfortable upbringing with his money."

I let the smell of wet soil fill the car. The silence of my denial ruined the otherwise pretty wholesome moment.

"I am aware, but he was also a backstabber," I say sharply, harsher than I had initially wanted it to be. "He betrayed us, and mourning him would be like siding with the rival, and I'd rather not do that."

I hear her laugh softly and look at her, surprised. Why was she smiling?

"You say...while tears roll down your cheeks?"

Oh. I have been crying a lot lately, haven't I?

I wipe away the tears that I was unaware of—still surprised by the feel of moisture when something even more shocking happens.

Afeefa brings her hand over to me and pats my back while the other reaches for my hand and squeezes it gently. She and I sat that way for a good ten minutes, with nothing but a shared silence, no one expecting anything from the other.

Have I mentioned that she hated touching? Anyone?AT ALL? She would avoid it in any way possible. So her holding me so gently was like a gift I hadn't asked for but was eternally grateful for.

My emotions were an unexpected mix. My dirty, overwhelming feeling of self-pity muddled with the joy of comfort, topped off with nostalgia.

"Do you want me to change the topic? I don't know if it'll make you feel better, but it'll take your mind off Rohan."

I perk up after a while. "What's it about?"

She smiles an evil smirk, and I already know it was either the best or the worst decision to ask her.

"A conversation I overheard Aditya have. Don't worry. I know you "don't care." You can use it to your advantage in your next brawl with him."

Oh. OHH.