Cold-hearted love

Letter 533

Age: 16

Jacks,

I never told you but happy birthday Jackson. I'm writing this while sober so this might sound like a drunk persons letter. I've always hated birthdays because I've always gotten a special surprise from our uncle on mine. But you've always loved all yours and I'm fucked up enough to be jealous. 

That you could love like that.

Brother, it's surprising to most people— including me— how we could both grow up in the same house and lead completely different lives and live through completely different experiences. Like how you could love something, people, food, birthdays, family, fantasy lands, life so completely and purely. While I've never loved anything purely or innocently but you, Jackson. Even then that a stretch. My whole world lived through you Jacks, because its was a world I'll never get to have.

I'm glad you got to.

They say that arrogance made Icarus fall from the sky, but what if it's not true? It was love. He loved the sun too much, got to close and in the end it melted his wings.

My point is, I couldn't love like you Jackson. My love was toxic. There has never been any other way for me. After all, wasn't it you who said I destroy everything I touched, when you're plant wilted moment after I touched it? Yes, you were right. Like Icarus, I too killed everything I loved.

You might be wondering why I wrote you hundreds of letter. I don't know. And you think I'm lying because for once, your sister who had all the answer to every question you've ever asked, no matter how hard it got, doesn't know. But it doesn't matter now. Not anymore. Knowing the sky is blue doesn't make it purple. Being brilliant didn't change the course of my life.

P.S

I'm glad you ditched you girlfriend; she was trying to have sex with me the last time I saw her.

  — Sage