i dont think anyone will read this which makes this much easier to write.
I once had a talking stage, his name was Carlos. He was 18 meaning he was a year older than me but we were both seniors in high school. I'll admit, i never thought I'd get anywhere with this guy because we never interacted. I met him through a ymca program that one of my older cousins ran. She set us up. I got his number that day (January 25th). He was so kind and shy towards me it was kind of sweet. We started talking ever since that day. We agreed to going out one day and so we did. I actually went out of my comfort zone for him because normally I don't go out with guys so he was the first guy I've ever gone out with. I wish I could say it went horrible but in my opinion it went perfect. We hung out quite a few times after that. Now I must say this part but i actually lost my virginity to him. I wish a part of me could say I was ready but thinking back I wasn't. I thought I was but I wasn't. I don't think it was sa because I did agree and only regretted it after. Anyway, in my opinion, Carlos was a sweet gentleman. Of course, like always, men ruin everything because I figured out by myself he had a girlfriend. She was way prettier than me, it kind of made me feel so disgusting. I really did try and tell her but she just blocked me. I gave up. She deserves better. I deserve better. I wish I never met him but I did meet him and what we had was so special to me because I thought me and him were meant to be. Looking back I was so delusional because he was the first guy to show interest in me in real life. I guess I was desperate. Well, my biggest fear of homewrecking a home I never knew existed, came to life.
