𝚆𝙴𝙱𝙲𝙾𝚁𝙴.𝚎𝚡𝚎 | m!yanderes x f!reader

014/ glass shards

TW: domestic violence, mention of suicide, heavy implication of self-harm

// Sunday, November 5 – 8:45 PM

Dear Diary,

I'm getting sick and tired of everyone's shit.

My parents. My school and their extremely difficult exams. My classmates spreading rumours and bullying me. The one person who I thought to be my best friend but who keeps lying to me. Despite my constant reassurance and saying that I'm always there for him, that his secrets are safe with me, and how he has a special place in my heart because I care about him that deeply, he never gives honest answers.

Why is he using a fake name? How does he know my full name? Why is Kyrios so cooperative with him?

I've only asked him these 3 questions so far, but what I really want to know is...

...Why would he hide the fact that he was a co-creator from me?

How can he be "in hiding" when he's in a hospital? What happened a year ago? What went wrong at that three-month mark?

I want "Mero" to tell me but it seems impossible.

It makes it harder for me to trust him.

The saddest and most frustrating part is that I want to trust him. I can't forget his kindness when we first met. His patience, understanding, humour, wisdom, and the way we just "clicked" as if we'd known each other for far longer than three weeks - I can't lose him, Diary. My first real friend, after all this time. I've never felt a connection like this before.

I know it's unhealthy to grow attached to someone so quickly and it's wrong, it's wrong, it's stupid of me to say this and I know you'll be mad at me but...the thought of losing him hurts more than having no friends at all.

Besides, if our friendship breaks apart, what will happen to him?

He'll be alone. Left in his hospital room, no one by his side while he suffers from excruciating pain, no one who truly understands him l̶i̶k̶e̶ I̶ d̶o̶. I feel guilty that I can't be there in-person to comfort him, hold his hand, and keep him company while grasping onto the hope that he will get better soon. He doesn't have ANYONE. Not his parents, not friends, and certainly not anyone at the hospital. He can't go to school. He can't go outside. There's no point in going home because every time he does his sickness worsens.

He's trapped and the only person he has left is me.

Diary, what am I supposed to do?

Vanc told me he is a 'textbook emotional manipulator' (he's right if we go by his definition) and the earlier I cut him off, the better. But knowing his situation and the way we care for each other, it's really difficult for me to let go of him.

The following day - on the Wednesday, before speaking to Taz - "Mero" kept trying to talk to me. I declined his requests but his persistence is 1000x greater than Finn's.

Eventually I gave in. I was expecting him to yell at me or guilt-trip for ignoring him. Or "play the victim" and bring up past mistakes again.

But he didn't.

To my shock, he was really nice about it.

He asked me if I was okay, if he did anything wrong and said he missed me. Nothing out of the ordinary. So I brought up his behaviour lately and how he hurt me, while using terms like "gaslighting" and being as straightforward as I can (even though it made me feel uncomfortable). Guess what?