And here I am, how did I end up here? Well, I don't know myself, still tryna find out for my own now... I might attempt it just so y'know. Hope to find out why, hopeless o find no legitimate answer. Sucks pretty bad if you ask me... But oh well, it may be the end of my hopes and dreams and ambitions but at least I have my mind, and all the signs telling me that it's over. All this time I'm reaching for something I can't even reach, the irony of my life isn't even the tip of the iceberg..
Six Feet under - Billie Eilish
(plays in the background)
All the words, the voces in my head telling me..
"Die Die it'll only get worse from this"
the warnings had been there ever since, I just didn't pay any close attention to it... It'll only get worse from there, it's been worse so to speak.. Just ever since too the urges were strong, but i wasn't powerful enough to even do anything about it... But will I ever do something about it? I don't regret even saying the words, I meant em jokingly but it's not all-
"Lemme drown lemme just drown and be over with it, I want to die it's more easier than being fucking human anyway?!? Will never take it back no, no no... Not in this economy¡!"
It's not very funny anymore, cause I meant it either way. Oh I might laugh I might giggle a bit, but I mean it in any way shape or form and I will not stop saying it until it happens, until I finally did something about it... But what I'll I do eh? Nothing I'm already tired of being up and about, I'm over this already... It's a never-ending cycle, let me know but recycle, now now now...
A mind like this is too dangerous to have, but it's very harmless since there is no damage done. Unless it's a type of damage from the heart and brain, that could definitely work too that and besides that, it will only hurt just a bit, or maybe a lot but that's not a problem or the plan really... Just get over it, just get it done for and it'll be all worthwhile..
The body is reacting to a problem now, I wonder how long it'll last. Hopefully not too long, that shit will make my patience drop down even more, more than the art is to the point where I just rush into things it's not good but it's better than waiting and being stuck in the endless void and not seeking out the light. The light is there, it's just too hard to reach.. It's never going to be easy, it never was in the first place never ever and it never will nothing this way whatsoever. Or maybe even possible other lives, it's still only simple enough to Guess that since it's so ass right now...
Such dangerous thoughts to have, yet such having a mind of clear understanding whether or not and maybe terrible or amazing the dot it's will not end well, just guessing that as a prediction a prediction that would most likely happen of course, why wouldn't it be hm? It's a harsh world to live in, it is no wonder such words such thoughts will come to mind and it will never go away until the soul rests or even just runs around crazy and then supervised without trusted adult..
Just enough to get carried away, what's can be more comforting than just your alone time? Someone who actually gives the fuck and not just asking cuz why not... Overreacting is so easy, just only when it's done well. But there's no overacting in this whole mess, no jokes now... it is serious, it's not funny anymore it might happen nobody will know. It doesn't hurt to laugh right? Unless if the organs are waiting for the departure. What could be better than that then? Definitely not living, why do I live this way, why do I even exist? Multiple questions, and zero answers...
It's gonna end just how it is, there is multiple ways but this one seems nice.. the water seems so cool, it is quite relaxing isn't it? It definitely has its uses the multiple of things.. this reason however, it's can be shaped up inside the lungs that are engraved in the flesh of this body. To fill it with air and remove everyday thing, so now H2O how am I skin it really be? Just watching until they feel every corner every crack in crevice, let us single air bubble left inside.
"There's no turning back now no matter what you do, it is still your doing and you're doing only. You might regret it later, but in this case you will not DOT it is very understandable, it is best to proceed as quickly as possible, or I slowly if a person so do truly desires..."
But always what is the next thing to do? Just lay there hopefully the cool coldness of the liquid, the pooling and touching of the waves of the shores hopefully letting their body drift very far away from them. There might be much more time to sit down now, it's a good idea it's always nice.. feeling light today? Oh I definitely feel like it, I can feel dirty I want it right now... There is no other way, but they can be with other massage... But this is the main way of course, and no other way at this moment, it's nice of course.
Hopefully such a body will not be seen by others, especially since the deed is done, the deed all being asked on when finally succeeding.. there is no better feeling than this, no better feeling than this at all.. it is so nice, just to die peacefully.. no not my old age, or some random sickness that cannot be cured.. but with willingly just ending it just like that, it's pretty simple right? Unless the difficulties wanted and surely needed to then sure, yea!
This might be the end no, but who knows why? Maybe there will be that unsuspecting person, having a little swim until seeing such a body drift away but who will know, will I ever know? Will you ever know? Nobody knows, just see for yourself then, cuz I surely can't.. the water in my eyes, the pain and the pleasure reaching every corner eliminating every air bubble whatsoever.. what oh well, not a single piece of paper to tell anyone why, but do they need to know? No, if they do find the body then that's their problem...
They can't ignore if they want, no one's forcing them to be involved in it. Nobody was harmed, nobody as anyone, anyone as in.. no I'm dead, I am fucking dead.. and I love it, it's very nice, finally getting some peace out the Earth. Living is already as hard enough as it is, and this is something to be looked forward to. In the morning it really does happen, until it manifests straight into real world, it might be a lot in my son crazy.. but that's the point, but there's more to it than that...
The song ends...
"How can you die carelessly? Could the roses bloom?"
Probably not, end.
More chapters on the way, as if I'll get any worse than this... But oh wait.... It can! As I is only, just the tip of the iceberg.
![I AM NOT OKAY - DYING INSIDE AND OUT [Hopefully]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/372682785-64-k491648.jpg)