In Between

Abba's First

The discovery of oneself is a journey that transcends mere lip service or the milestones we celebrate as we age. For Abba, this discovery was not something he sought; it was thrust upon him. He had grown into a person who existed in the world without being a part of it. He did as he was told, acted as expected, and each action was a way to detach himself further from the world around him. His true self was buried deep within his subconscious, lost in the shadows of his mind. Relationships were fleeting and meaningless. At home, he was a work of fiction, a character in a story someone else wrote to escape their own troubles. He was his father's son, an identity used as a perfect excuse without real consequences.

It wasn't that he thought the world hated him; it was more that he had surrendered to it. He realized he was powerless against it. At fifteen, Abba did not have the awareness to recognize that his mental health was deteriorating. Raised in a world where having a roof over your head, clothes on your body, and warm food in your belly meant you had no right to feel unstable or unfulfilled, Abba felt trapped. Even if he was talked down to, emotionally abused, or bullied, he was expected to be silent, to speak only when spoken to, to never challenge an elder's words.

Seeds of despair were sown deep within him, leading to an attempt to take his own life. How short this story would have been if he had succeeded. In a way, the very girls he had grown to think so little of kept his heart stirred and alive. Occasionally, he even found someone who gave him hope, someone who might restore his faith in people.

The year he turned sixteen was perhaps the most eventful of his teenage years. Even though he had experienced his first girlfriend earlier, this was the year he encountered his first love. For years after his father's death, Abba tried to follow in Ngoma's footsteps, sometimes reminded of his father's greatness. He found his way to computer science, attempting to continue Ngoma's legacy. Computers were not complicated for him, but his interest lay more in how he could use them to interpret his thoughts than in their general functionality.

It was during one of these moments of introspection that he met her—Nola. A girl so fascinated by fairytales that she fancied herself to be part of one. Nola and Abba were instantly attracted to each other, perhaps Nola even more so than Abba. To him, she was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. With just one glance, he could describe her face in the finest detail—the dark beauty mark on her cheek, the dimples when she smiled, her brown eyes that matched his own, the baby hair that effortlessly framed her face. Abba's heart knew what he wouldn't realize for a long time: it was love at first sight.

How could he have known? He had grown up, like her, being told that nothing was real for teenagers, that it was all just hormones, that kids were too young to know what love was. But if those adults knew it so well, why did they get divorced and subject each other to horrors? Maybe, just maybe, kids knew something adults didn't. It wasn't long before another of Abba's relationships imploded to make room for Nola. For the first time, he really wanted it, and Nola? Well, Nola was not the kind of girl to share.

Their blissful puppy love lasted for about three months. Passionate kisses and open introductions to the important people in their lives followed. For a time, even Abba's masks fell in love with Nola. She knew his ugliness and loved him anyway. But the trials and tests of a young relationship start from within, and if that is conquered, there is the outside world to contend with—an uncontrollable community filled with jealousy and envy.

Abba and Nola were both beautiful people who looked good together, but they also became objects of desire for others. Although they were inseparable and no temptation could split them apart, the vile tongues of criticism from people they considered friends began to take their toll. They were too young to come out unscathed. Despite their efforts to stay together, they had a huge target on their backs, and eventually, cracks began to form.

The constant scrutiny and whispered rumors chipped away at their bond. Abba, already burdened by his inner demons, found it increasingly hard to cope. His masks, which had momentarily fallen for Nola, began to reappear, thicker and more impenetrable than before.

The relationship that once brought him solace now added to his turmoil. Abba's mental state, already fragile, began to deteriorate further. He found himself questioning his worth and his ability to be loved. Nola, too, was struggling. The pressure to maintain their idealized love weighed heavily on her. She began to doubt herself, wondering if she was enough for Abba. Their once passionate kisses became strained, their conversations filled with unspoken fears and insecurities.

Despite their best efforts, the outside world's influence was too strong. Friends who once celebrated their love now seemed intent on tearing it apart. Jealousy and envy reared their ugly heads, and the couple found themselves isolated. Even those who genuinely cared for them couldn't help but be affected by the toxic environment. Abba and Nola tried to hold on, but the weight of their burdens was too much.

As the months passed, the cracks in their relationship grew wider. Misunderstandings and arguments became more frequent. Abba's masks, now fully in place, made it hard for him to communicate his true feelings. He withdrew into himself, the walls around his heart growing higher. Nola, feeling increasingly shut out, became desperate to reach him, but her efforts only seemed to push him further away.

Their love story, once so full of promise, began to unravel. The dream of a perfect fairytale faded, replaced by the harsh reality of their situation. They were young, and the pressures they faced were too great. Despite their love for each other, they couldn't overcome the obstacles in their path. The outside world, with its relentless criticism and judgment, had won.

For Abba, the end of his relationship with Nola marked another turning point in his life. He had learned a hard lesson about love and trust, one that would shape his future relationships. His journey of self-discovery was far from over, but he was beginning to understand the complexities of the world around him. The masks he wore would continue to protect him, but they could no longer hide the pain and longing in his heart.

Nola, too, was changed by their love. She had experienced a taste of the fairytale she longed for, but also the harsh reality that came with it. Her innocence was diminished, replaced by a deeper understanding of love and loss. She would carry the memory of Abba with her, a bittersweet reminder of a love that was both beautiful and flawed. However, their story was far from over.