Hoax

Chapter sixty-six

Harry Styles 

"Goodbye Harry"

Estelle marches out of my living room, with her back to me and her head held high; a front I would believe, if I didn't hear a heart breaking sob fall from her lips just before she closed my front door.

I stand in my living room, unmoving and unyielding.

As I hear a car engine start and it rumble into the distance, I allow my hard exterior to crack.

An uncontrollable sob frees itself from my lips, mimicking the one Estelle just succumbed to.

I break down in tears and practically collapse onto the sofa behind me; my head in my hands and my body wracking with each sob.

That was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I stood there and ripped Estelle's heart to shreds, whilst pretending it wasn't tormenting me in the exact same way.

I felt like my world was caving in; standing and watching the girl that I've loved break down in front of me.

It was the most painful thing I have ever felt...until this very moment.

As I sit on the sofa, realisation about what I have done, starts to set in.

We're over.

We're done.

We're no longer together.

Over the past few months, I have claimed that Estelle has made me a better man. A less selfish, rude, and petulant one – that, is a fact I know to be true. And so, I practised this new version of myself today.

I put Estelle first.

I pushed myself aside for her career.

I sacrificed us, for her dream role.

I allowed our field of dreams to be engulfed in fire by my own arson.

Like I said, I was not going to be the reason that she doesn't achieve her career goal of being in Little Women.

My decision may not have even arisen if we hadn't conversed amongst the waves, last week. She told me about her passion for the movie, how much she adored the characters, and how detrimentally important the book is, to her.

Therefore, as she was suggesting solutions to the dilemma that Bart Stubbs had created, I couldn't stop thinking that there was only one option left.

I needed to let her go.

Although I stand by my motivations, even now, it doesn't mean I'm not completely distraught and perturbed by my decision.

I said so many things that I didn't mean, just now.

I said things just for the sake of it; trying desperately to defend my decision.

For example, bringing up that overheard conversation about marriage between her and Max. It was so unnecessary of me, but in the heat of the moment, I attempted to weaponize anything in order to add fuel to my fire – otherwise, I feared she would persuade me to let her give up Little Women.

I also said that our relationship was inevitably going to end, which I didn't mean. 

I love Estelle and I can't imagine anyone replacing her. 

Therefore, I don't know why I said we were inevitably going to end. 

We weren't meant to end. 

We were meant to be together indefinitely...

I feel awful. 

I sob into my hands, with no remorse, not caring if my neighbours can hear me.