Chasing Sunsets

The Stranger in the Mirror

"Hi," I said, my voice steady despite the storm of emotions inside me. I feel sick. "It's HAZE."

He looked at the camera, and in that instant, I could see the mix of surprise and nervousness etched on his face. He blinked a few times, his lips parting slightly like he wasn't sure what to say. Well, it was obvious he wasn't expecting me. Eh kasi naman, sino bang may gustong magkita tayo, di ba? He hadn't been in my life for sixteen years, and now, out of nowhere, I was here, right in front of him.

"Haze... It's been a long time." he finally said, his voice low and unsure.

I almost rolled my eyes. A long time? Eh never nga kitang nakita kahit sa moving up ko or kahit anong nangyari sa buhay ko. I bit my tongue to keep the sarcastic remark from spilling out. Of course, hindi ko sinabi 'yun. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of hearing me vent right away. But really? That was the best he could come up with after sixteen years?

I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table. "What do you mean by 'a long time'? I've never seen you in my SIXTEEN years of living. Are you good?" I even made a sarcastic quote gesture, emphasizing my disbelief. In-English ko, syempre, baka hindi niya gets pag Tagalog.

His eyes dropped to the floor, his posture sinking into shame. Well, aba dapat lang, 'no? The audacity of this man to start with that. He looked tired-older than I expected-but still well put-together. Money could do that, I guess. Nakakairita isipin na habang kami ni Mama, we struggled just to get by, he was here, living his cushy life with his new family. I didn't need to know the details to imagine how easy things must've been for him.

"I... I'm sorry, Haze," he started, his voice low. "I know I wasn't there for you. I regret that every day."

"Regret?" I echoed, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "That's all you have? Just regret? Wow, galing naman. As if that erases sixteen years of... what, your absence?"

He flinched, like my words physically hurt him. And maybe they did. Good. Dapat lang, 'di ba? The audacity of this man to stand in front of me and just say 'sorry' like it was supposed to fix everything.

Meanwhile, back then, my mama had practically begged him to come back, to show up just once, so I could at least know him.

"I... I didn't want to leave you," he continued, his voice shaking slightly. "But things between me and your mom... they were complicated."

Ayun na. Syempre, 'complicated'. Lahat nalang, complicated. I cut him off before he could continue with his pity speech. "Stop right there." My voice was firm. "Don't make this about you and Mama. Whatever happened between you two, that's your problem. I was a kid. I didn't ask to be born into your mess. You made the choice to leave me."

His eyes finally met mine, and for a split second, I saw something there-maybe pain, guilt, or whatever other emotions he thought might excuse his behavior. But I know better.

"I know," he said quietly. "You're right. I chose to leave. And... I'll never be able to take that back. But I want you to know, I never stopped thinking about you. I've tried to make it right."

I scoffed. "Tried? When exactly did you 'try,' Dad? Was it before or after you started your perfect new family? Where was this energy when I needed you?" My voice cracked with bitterness, and I could feel the anger bubbling up to the surface, spilling out in sharp words. Even saying the word 'Dad' felt like someone was choking me.

He looked down again, and for a moment, the silence between us grew heavy. It was almost satisfying watching him squirm. The man who abandoned me, now reduced to nothing but apologies. As if that's enough.