The Loser Boy Blues

05. Water of the Womb, Blood of the Covenant - Monday, March 23

The bus pulled to a stop at the side of the road and Stan took his earbuds out. The same students boarded the bus as they did every morning.

"What's wrong with that seat?" Kyle stopped to face Stan, who was sitting on the seat adjacent to his usual.

"Some kid wrote slurs on the back of it."

Kyle looked over to the green bench and made a face. "I don't know who half of those even apply to." He tossed his bag on the bus floor and sat down next to Stan before linking his foot through one of the straps. "How was your weekend?"

"I'm still tired."

"As always." He sighed. "Do you feel any better than Friday when you so rudely ditched me?"

"Trust me, I don't think you would have wanted to be around me."

"Probably not, but you still ditched me. I had all that extra class time from not having to explain things to you. It was boring as shit."

"Sounds like there wasn't much to do."

"No, there was, I just worked ahead and got it done early. You've got a shit ton of homework. And there was another stupid assembly with an assignment to go with. When the fuck did they start doing that?"

"Makes you miss the old days when we were younger and things were simpler."

"Don't be fucking emo Stan, I remember your emo phase."

Stan wanted to correct him and tell him that he had been goth, but he withheld.

"So as I was saying, you're ass deep in homework and I know you don't know how to do shit so we need to meet up sooner than later so I can help."

Stan blinked.

"And I'm very busy this week, but I'm free today so?" Kyle gave him an expectant look.

"My room is a mess and it's going to give you an aneurysm."

"I can handle an aneurysm."

"Is that some gay sex shit," Cartman interrupted.

"It's a condition," Kyle said.

"No it's not, you two are sitting together so whatever it is is gay."

"If you're sitting all alone, does that mean you get no bitches?"

"No, I got a bitch and I know she loves me because she begs me not to leave her when I call her."

"That's because you're a manipulative psychopath, fatass."

"Kinny, what does manipulative psychopath mean?"

Kenny's speech was incomprehensible.

"That just sounds like business. See," Cartman turned back to face Kyle. "I'm a man of business, Kahl. A businessman if you will."

"If you're a businessman then why're you poor?"

"Ugh- KINNY is the poor one!"

Stans phone buzzed in his pocket. He blocked out the conversation and checked it.

Marj

March 23, 2026

< Hey Stan, I was wondering if I could talk to you before lunch again?

7:45

Stan wondered what was bothering her this time, and then felt rude for thinking that.

sure >

7:45

"Who is it?" Kyle asked.

"I would say it's his boyfriend, but you don't appear to be texting him right now, Kahl."