You Changed Us

What I remember

5 April, 2022

Since a week or maybe more, I was feeling as if I was losing track of time, or as if my stress and anxiety heightened. It wasn't standard of me appearing late to office. As a preventive measure, I decided to visit a doctor, and that's when I found out about my ill health. 

She advised me to call any family member, so as to handle me after hearing such devastating loss. And apparently the only person I could think of was you, maybe that's what happen when you are so in-love. I called you, to tell you, so you would come and sway me away from all the mess. 

I thought about keeping it a secret in those trivial seconds, but I knew I am no angel. I wanted someone to hold me, to love me, to console me and to comfort me. To tell me that I mattered, that I would still be commemorated by many and that they will be with me in those mishaps. But now I wish I would have never called. 

"Y/n I am busy right now, what do you want?" you seemed stressed but definitely not more than me. "Koo, I have something important to tell you. Can you please come here? I'll send you the location" I definitely sounded serious, even to me. But maybe you couldn't comprehend.

 "Really Y/n? Sorry but I can't come for your minor difficulties all the time. Tell me on call if it's really important, I don't have whole day." It seemed as if I ruined something by calling you this urgent. Something did get ruined, and apparently you seem oblivious to it. 

I didn't extend the conversation further, because as much as I would like to deny, nothing's same anymore. You've got your priorities set, and I am far away from them. "Nothing, it's fine. We'll talk later." I ended the call before you could guilt talk me into it.

The doctor probably wasn't convinced about me hearing the prescriptions and details alone. One of the symptoms included learning disabilities. But she still explained me everything with detailed notes. Maybe it's better for me to not tell you anything, and continue my treatments for what it's worth. 

I am not sure how long i am going to fight this all alone, it sounds dementing at the very last. But I am not devastated enough, as I should have been. Maybe the thought of me leaving you sounds more peaceful than yours leaving me.

Maybe this is all meant to be a closure for us and our little love story. And maybe our love story will not end in a heartbreak.