Existence Precedes Essence

Chapter 24: Better Left Unsaid

"When I say I love you more, I don't mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most." – Unknown

Beach

 "This is usually fully packed on a weekend but seems like they all didn't decide to come all at the same time", Mitsuya looked at the empty beach. It was a surreal view for Azumi as the lad she was curious about suddenly appeared. The beach and the sunset are already breathtaking.  The addition of a more mature Mitsuya is already seeping the life out of her. "You've been quiet. Were you angered about a while ago? I'm sorry", the lilac head was quick to ask for forgiveness. "No. That's not the case. The place is so beautiful and I never thought of coming back here again", the lady shook her head. 

"It's not that far from our place. You don't like beaches?", Mitsuya asked. Azumi looked at the fine sand. "I came here with my Dad, once", the lady said. "That was before he died. When we went home, I was so excited to give my grandfather the seashells we collected. I ran towards the street and a car was approaching", the raven's head felt her chest tightening and feeling short-breathed. Mitsuya patted her head and nodded signaling the lady that he already understood. "Sorry for bringing you here. It might have been hurtful that you were forced", the lilac head didn't have an idea. Supposed he knew, he wouldn't have brought her here. "Don't apologize. It's not like you knew", the lady shook her head violently. She's right. It wasn't like he knew about it. He was gone for long and didn't know more about her, unlike Chifuyu. 

His eyes widened with the thought and he slapped himself on the face. "Taka-san? Are you okay?", the lady was startled by his action. "I just felt myself slipping away", he explained. "You look so happy when you were looking at the horizon. I know you have good memories here. Please don't misunderstand. I didn't come here for many years because I just didn't have the chance. This is a beautiful place", Azumi commented. Mitsuya took a pause and the lady also stopped walking. "When Toman was officially formed, we came here for a flag race. The founding members of the group all had one thing in mind, we would create a gang where we would throw ourselves for each other. Mikey disbanded us while we were still on the top and we respected his decision", the lilac head smiled. "Aside from having us formally formed here, we also told each other about our dreams and we all shouted at the vast sea", Mitsuya chuckled. 

"That's a wonderful story", Azumi looked at the lad with a brightened expression. "It must be so random and creepy for you. We didn't see each other for two years and here I am telling you about this place", Mitsuya scratched his nape which the lady found adorable. "I don't find it random or creepy. I am also happy that I get to see you again", the lady was quick to respond. The lilac head turned to her and gave a long stare. "I mean...Shiba-kun and Yuzuha-san told me that you're doing fashion shows and that you had big projects back then. I wanted to congratulate you", the lady saw a seashell and picked it up. She passed it to the lilac head. Mitsuya covered his mouth and silently laughed seeing how red the lady's cheeks were. He received the shell and stared at it. It was a yellow one and the smoothness of the shell comforted his tired hands. 

"Just like an actor or cartoon character, you will just be happy admiring them at a distance because you know you can never stand next to them". 

Mitsuya raised his other hand and cupped the raven head's cheek. He felt how warm it was as well. "Hanami", he called for his name. 

I want to tell you that you were always on my mind even if I haven't seen you for two years. I decided to focus on my career but something in my chest thug whenever I see the cherry blossom falls. I am reminded of the first time I saw you under the cherry blossom tree when you were carrying Chifuyu's cat. When I saw you at the school on that spring day, I was reminded of what I felt the first time I saw you. I admire you. You were a view that I could spend a day watching. I tried to distract myself with the responsibilities I have but I will find myself wanting to get a glimpse of you. I tried to get a glimpse of you once more, but I felt like a loser seeing someone beside you, one who is more competent in staying by your side. So, once again, I shun away from desiring to have you in my sight. 

"Is there anything wrong?", Azumi was worried with the long pause. 

"I'm glad. For once in her life, she's pursuing something that she decided to".

"Let's go and shout what we want now. I wanted to do it with someone but I didn't know that Draken would bring you", Mitsuya smiled and turned to the sea. Azumi was baffled by what he just said. She just nodded still hoping to understand what the lilac head just said. "I'll go first and you'll come after", he instructed. 

I want people to wear my clothes comfortably and with satisfaction!!!

Mitsuya shouted and gave a gentle push to Azumi's back. 

"I...", her voice cracked. "It's okay. Don't be embarrassed. It's just me", the lad forced a smile and encouraged the girl. Azumi's throat started to feel like drying. She wanted to be true to what she wanted now. She didn't want to fail Mitsuya with just being silent but her chest felt so tight. Anyone would do. It didn't necessarily have to be her. She just happened to be someone that Draken randomly chose. Her eyes started to feel warm. 

"Was that too much? Sorry, you don't have to if you don't want to", Mitsuya held on her shoulders. The lady pressed her lips together and ran near the waters. "I want to spend more time with Taka-san!!!", she shouted and felt different kinds of emotions. She was thrilled to see the lilac head after so many years. But then, she also felt sad with the fact that anyone could have filled in the spot. She felt embarrassed thinking that she might be someone who could be special for the lad as well. Her tears suddenly fell. The wave became bigger and it splashed on her. 

Mitsuya tried to pull her from the water. Azumi was still crying from all the conflicting emotions raging within her and she didn't want the lad to see it so she covered her face getting deeper into the beach. "You didn't tell me that you wanted to swim. We didn't bring spare clothes", Mitsuya gave a short chuckle but still felt bad when he heard what the lady wanted. Would it have been better if he confessed? Well, the question was what she wanted at the moment. It doesn't necessarily mean that she wanted him. After some tug of war in the waters, Azumi finally realizes that the lad is also getting wet. "Taka-san. Sorry", she finally volunteered to be removed from the water. 

Chapter end.