𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒✮ 𝐉𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐦

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟏𝟒 Could never hate you☆

June 2023
Jude's pov !

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THE THOUGHT OF that day still haunts me to this day.

i mean, i think im over it.

i think. im not sure.

i mean its been four years, and i've hated her the whole time.

did i? no, i didn't.

but surely those feelings went away for the most part.

seeing her go on that date made me question myself and if they ever even disappeared and i found myself... clueless.

those feelings were long gone and lost, and for good.

it was painful to have them.

seeing someone that you wanted and needed so badly, but couldn't have, and knowing that they'll never be yours, its the worst feeling. because all you do is dream and pray for them, but never have them.

that's what led me to bury those feelings deep down in my heart, unreachable and abandoned, no one could ever reach them, except their owner, Silvia.

the whole night after our argument, if you can call it that, i stayed awake, just like four years ago.

thinking about the same girl, but not the same situation, thank god.

why was i mad? this question wondered in my head for hours, stealing my ability to rest, in this case i would go on a walk with her and talk about my problems with her, but i couldn't.

same thing happened tonight.

i just sat there, thinking.

why was i... jealous? no i wasn't jealous, at least i dont think i was, i dont want to be. i cant be.

i cant fall into the same situation i was in four years ago, i cant handle it.

it was now 2:17 am, and still not a hint of rest, i suppose no one was in the house, they all went to a local club, even her i think, but i didnt go, i had my own mess to deal with.

i got up from my bed, and headed to the kitchen to try and calm down a bit.

each step i took, i questioned myself. do i still like her? i can't possibly still like her, i mean it was four years ago and i moved on fully.

i walked down those stairs, the same ones we used to giggle in when we went upstairs at our rooms, trying to not wake anyone up and blow up our cover.

i smiled at the memories i had made with her in the past two weeks, crazy how you can get close with a person in such a short period of time. but now its... its not the same, all because of me. why would i let my jealousy get in the way of everything i longed for and-

jealousy?

i am not jealous. thats impossible.