Without Me

-Disappointment-

All the air left his lungs as he struggled to breathe. He brought his hands up to his neck, but didn't fight it. I deserve this, I'm a terrible person.

He felt his body go limper and limper..

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Zak leaned against the back of the couch, watching a movie. A horror movie. Zak loved seeing the blood and the gore be on the outside of people and imagining him in the position instead of the person in the movie. The only difference he imagines is that people don't mourn over his death. They celebrate with confetti, balloons, even cake and ice cream.

He heard his parents come into the house, his mom stopped at the living room entryway and saw the mess he had made. Pillows scattered everywhere, food crumbs all over the place, dirty clothes and blankets scattered on the floor, it was like he'd been living there.

His mother grabbed the remote and paused the movie. "Zak Ali Ahmed, you need to get it together."

"Mom, I'm trying-" Zak protested.

"Don't back talk me. If you don't have a proper job by the end of the month, you're getting kicked out of this house, and you better never come back, do you hear me?"

"Yes, mother." He mumbled under his breath.

"Good. Now clean this up," His mother said sternly before walking out of the room, calling out, "Don't expect me to make you food either."

He looked around the room with a sigh. His mom was right, it looked like a pigsty in the room. It smelled like one, too.

Better get to work. There's nothing I can ever do to please mom. She'll never be happy with me. And I don't blame her. I'm not happy with myself. He thought to himself while beginning to pick up the pillows and blankets. He carried them over to the closet and stuffed them in there. He then began to pick up his dirty clothes and carried them to his room, tossing them into the hamper. He then grabbed the vacuum cleaner and got to work in the living room.

Why couldn't I be a stupid household item.. even a vacuum cleaner has a bigger purpose then me.. He swept up the crumbs spread around and then turned off the vacuum cleaner. It sounds so stupid to say I'm jealous of a fucking vacuum.

That's when he got a text from Darryl. When he opened it, it read. "Zak, are you doing okay? You haven't messaged me in a while. You haven't even been on Minecraft."

Goddamnit, Darryl, why are you so sweet? You make me not want to hate you, even though I desperately want to kill that girlfriend of yours.

Zak sent a simple message back, "Im fine," which is totally unlike him when he talked to Darryl.

Darryl responded instantly. "No, you're not, I know you too well, Zak."

Zak groaned. He knew Darryl knew him too well, and that's part of the reason he loved him. But right now, he hated him for it. "My parents are just threatening to kick me out of the house." He wasn't lying, exactly, he just wasn't fully telling the truth.

"I knew something was up," Darryl texted back. "You can come live with me if you want."

Zak grinned, but that grin lasted approximately 0.01 seconds. Oh yeah, his girlfriend probably lives with him. And I don't want to see her. At all. "No thanks" Zak texted back simply.

"Let me know if you change your mind."

Zak put his phone away, knowing damn well he wouldn't change his mind. That was sweet of him to offer, but if I see that stupid Ava girl, I'll probably strangle her.

Rocco walked up behind him and brushed Zak's leg. "You wanna go on a walk, boy?" Rocco barked. Zak grabbed his leash and attached it to his collar.  "Alright, let's go." He told Rocco before walking out the front door.

Zak closed the door behind them and started walking down the sidewalk towards the park. He took in the scene around him, the clear starry sky, the rustling trees, the slight breeze, it all reminded him of something Darryl told him once.

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"Just the silence and the stars at night, it reminds me that no matter what's going on in life, there's always an escape that's just right above you, and the peace of mind it gives... it's really helpful I gotta say."

Zak glanced over at him, looking at how the moonlight reflected off his features. He looked so handsome, so dreamy. He smiled. "Hey, Darryl?"

Darryl looked back at Zak. "Hm?"

"Will- never mind, it's stupid." Zak looked at the sidewalk as they walked.

"Nothing you say is stupid." Darryl lifted Zak's chin up and made Zak look up at him. "I won't judge, I promise."

Zak fidgeted with his hoodie strings for a little bit before blurting out the question. "Why did you forgive me?"

Darryl was about to speak, but Zak continued. "You could've cut all contacts with me, forgotten about me, because what I did was so damn selfish and I hurt you, and.." Zak ran a shaky hand through his fluffy black hair.

"You're my best friend, Zak. I'm not going to stop being friends with you  over a silly mistake." Darryl put a reassuring hand on Zak's shoulder, letting go of his chin.

Zak hugged him suddenly. "I love you, Darryl."

"I love you too, Zak." Darryl said, hugging him back.

Zak knew he didn't mean it romantically, but it didn't matter. Just hearing those words made him melt in Darryl's arms. He knew that Darryl only wanted to be friends, but right then, he didn't care. He just wanted to stay in Darryl's arms, the only safe place that Zak had ever known.

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Zak walked into the park with Rocco to see  the big willow tree where that memory occurred. And what he sees makes him feel sick to his stomach. He grips Rocco's leash. This.. can.. not.. be.. happening.. 

Darryl is under the willow tree with his girlfriend and they're hugging. Ava pulls back from the hug to look at Darryl. She says something and then leans in to kiss him. Darryl looks surprised for a second before closing his eyes and kissing her back.

"Sorry, Rocco, we can't stay." Zak said bitterly, pulling Rocco away and leading him back home. "We'll come back here another day, okay?" Zak harshly pulls at Rocco's leash to get Rocco to follow him, in too much anger to realize he's hurting the poor dog.

I'm going to get Darryl the best birthday present. A birthday present he'll never forget.