Lustily

Chapter four

I stopped at the store on my way home from my run, I needed to get something for my back, after the shower from this morning. My back still stung from the water and my sweat was only making it worse. I got some cream for it, and some spicy snacks. It was my treat for the day from running a staggering 10 miles. And for also not slapping the shit out of that James jerk, or anyone for that matter. It was my mini victory celebration, after I got my things and paid for them, I walked back home. I was surprisingly not in my usual temperament. Shitty. I was more of choleric. The much more normal version. It was a huge improvement compared to my usual mood 24/7. So I put back on my music, luckily some Sia "Salted wound" came on. A beautiful song that really touched my heart,I blasted the song in my ears, as I walked back to my apartment. When I finally got back to the smelly cigarette and sex building, I walked into my apartment, through of the sweatshirt leaving only my sport bra on and my sweatpants still. I decided I'll put the cream for my back on later, and snack on my spicy chips and watch fifty shades of Grey. Yes, it was my comfort movie.
You really are one fucked up bitch. My conscious teased. She could shove it, I though the movie was pretty interesting.... And very kinky. But I shrugged, even though I'm an anti romantic, I could still watch the fifty shades trilogy right? Lonely, heartless, hypocritical bitter witch. My conscious snarled again. And as usual she wasn't wrong. I watched the fucking trilogy, and not caring if I was being hypocritical. Add that to the list of things I truly didn't give a fuck about. I ate my chips, and let them burn my mouth. God, those were the best.
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After a great six hours and twelve minutes of turbulence, sex and pain, it made me feel a little bit better about myself. Well, very, very little, but something nonetheless. It made me realize that even though some people are extreme fucked, they too, even have a chance at being happy. I'm mean look at Christian Grey. A sadist sex god, snagged himself and innocent and naive Ana Steele.  His future wife, and mother of his two kids. He was able to push through his demons and finally be happy with the love of his life. Maybe I could find someone would lov- No! You're unlovable. No one will ever love you, want you, it's better to not get your hopes up. Maybe my conscious was right, as usual. Maybe I wouldn't find anyone to love me the way I need to be. Hold me the way I was never held, kiss me till I couldn't breathe.   I laid back and let out a deep breath, calming myself down from such ridiculous fantasies. For an anti romantic, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Must be my inner literature romantic coming out. That's what I get for being a damned English major. I closed my eyes, I needed to escape reality for a moment, even if it was just for a few hours, it would just have to do.
I tried to shut my mind up and focus on nothing but the silence of my home, and drift off into sleep. A deep, quiet sleep.