Hate You - LN

38 - Devin

The door to the backyard squeaks when I swing it wide and I'm greeted by the sight of my brother crying. Alex is holding him and although Charles' face is buried into her chest I can see his body physically shaking with each sob. Alex looks up as I close the squeaking door behind me and her lips are pressed into a fine line much like Charles' were a few moments ago inside.

"I'll let you two talk," Alex says softly. She looks reluctant to leave and offers Charles one last bit of reassuring words before letting him go.

It's then I see Charles' face as he looks up at me. His eyes are swollen and puffy and rimmed in red. His breath is hitched with each breath and his shoulders sagged. I've devastated him, and somehow that breaks me too.

Alex gives me a short side hug as she passes by but my feet are glued to the brick paving stones at my feet as I stare at my brother. The one who I called the day Dad almost killed me. The one who listened to my screams.

He thought I'd died.

And he was powerless to help from where he was on the other side of the continent. No fast driving could have gotten him to me in time that day. No matter if he is one of the fastest drivers in the world.

I hear the door behind me open and close as Alex leaves us alone and the backyard's silence seeps in. I unstick my feet from the ground and sit on the lounge chair beside Charles.

"I should have told you sooner."

He nods his head slowly and rubs his eyes. He's not crying anymore, but his emotions are just- blank. "I understand why you didn't."

"I'm still sorry I didn't tell you Charles."

Char shakes his head and leans forward to rest his arms on his knees. "Dev, you don't need to..."

I raise my hand, cutting him off. "Let me explain why first because I know you overthink this kind of stuff."

Charles is and always has been one of those people who brush things off like it's nothing when emotions are running too high. He comes off like everything is okay when in fact in his head he is re-playing everything he could have changed, or done differently. It's how he thinks, it's no doubt a large part of why he is such a good racing driver. But with things like this, I don't want him muddling over the fact he could have done something or tried to help me when in reality he couldn't have.

Charles thankfully closes his mouth and lets me explain. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with air before speaking. "I didn't tell you Dad got out of jail initially because I was still processing the fact he was out. It didn't feel- real I suppose." I look down at her hands and pick at something nervously under my fingernail. "I got so caught up with things with Lando, the team, I wasn't home to worry about it. And then the European part of the season came along and I was home more. Or I was supposed to be anyway."

I trail off and Charles cuts in, thinking back on the start of the European leg of the season no doubt. "Was that water line ever broken at your place?"

I shake my head, my hair falling into my face. "No, I just didn't want to go home."

Charles takes another deep breath, this time his shoulders staying steady. "You could have stayed here with Alex and I longer. Or Lorenzo."

"I know, but at that point, I think I was so deep in the lie with not telling everyone that I sort of- well I guess I just accepted it."

Some bird chirps its song in the distance and I look up to meet my, not brother but brother in every way I could need one. How do I tell him I accepted the fact I was going to die and worse was horrifyingly okay with it?