long story short

chap 1

***HEAVY inspiration from Funny Story by Emily Henry (i love her so much)

Anytime anyone asked me how we met, I would always start by saying, "it's a long story," which, in my mind, wasn't an exaggeration at all, but now, after everything that's happened, I've realized that it isn't a long story at all. The way I used to tell it was only long because I would dwell on the small, unimportant features of it, like how we met on a Tuesday and how I was wearing a pink shirt. I would go on for a long while, only talking about the day that we met, that's it.

Now, I can sum up our entire relationship in less than a minute: "We were about to get married, but at the last minute, he decided he liked my younger sister better. No, yeah, it's fine. We're still friends,"

I guess thats a good thing, though. Joeb already wasted so much of my time just to flush it all down the toilet, so why give him another few minutes sharing the whole big manuscript of us when I could give a quick summary instead?

Well, it's not really a perfect summary: he didn't just decide he liked Edith better, he'd known that for a while, and had only told me after I caught them hooking up on the night before the wedding; it's not fine; and we aren't still friends. Long story short, I guess.

But that's all behind me, because now I have a new guy for people to ask how I met. 

Well, at least that's what I want Joeb and Edith to think. 

It's kind of funny, because our "how did you guys meet?" story is so much longer than Joeb and I's ever was. That's because he's Edith's ex (boyfriend on the night that she and Joeb hooked up), and he understands what I'm dealing with. He also can't afford his rent on his own, so he needed a roommate. Joeb kicked me out of the house since it was in his name, so I moved in with him.

He, even though he seemed kind and hospitable when we met, changed faces quickly after I moved in. He's loud, messy, seems to not like me, and is constantly inviting over his man-child waste-of-space friends.

So yeah, I don't like the guy.

Well then why am I dating him?

I'm not, really. But that's a secret. Something, (probably the only thing) that he and I have in common is that we both hate Edith and Joeb. So if they can screw us over and date, then it only makes sense that we get back at them. Pretend to be happier with each other. 

If I know Edith, she'll regret her choices in like a month and expect to be forgiven and handed back everything that she threw away when she left with Joeb on a silver platter. Joeb is the same way.

That's part of it. We won't let that happen. 

😁

narrarator:

roommate:

edith:

joeb: