Reunited

II. Eden

When you open up to someone, the words that they say are meant to bring comfort, to hepl our achimg harts from braking even furter. But what If it s all a lie, what If the only way to stop the griev from crippaling inside our heads is making it not work. Drowning it in the poison we inject in our vains to just stop filling. That is the only thing that makes my head stop screamimg. Of course, I could just jump of a bridge, but the damege that I would leave behind is not something my brother deserves, because he is nothing like me. Carlos is calm, while I m blowing up every waking moment, he is smart, but most of all, he is able to feel without the urge to rip his heart out.

I have never been like him. We re polar opposites, but at the end, he is the only reason I m still standing right now. He thinks that the Times I saved him show that I m stronger, but he managed to keep me from crumbling. I know that he isn t happy either, but unlike me there is hope for him and the thing is I can t afford to hope,because I m going to die. We all know it, even Carlos. If not at my father s hand,then I would find a way. Dad has people watching me at all times,și none of my attemps worked, but one they it will. I will they and I would get peace, even tho i Don t deserve it because I am that selfish.

On monday morning, me and Carlos get ready for school. As usual, he takes his time, showering, styling his hair and picking out a nicd outfit. I swear, he takes more time getting ready then girls do. I put on some baggy jeans and a hoodie and shower, the cold water giving me goosebumps, so I quickly switch it to hot. By the time I m ready, my skin is red.

After making breakfast for the two of them, we get in our way for school. I hand Carlos a sandwich, witch he hapily accepts, hîș eyes brightning at the taste.

,, Thi i ood" he talks while eating and I Don t understand shit.

,, Ew! You pig"

,, What? Do you want some?"

,, No. I m not hungry" He eyes me.

,, You didn t eat last night either. Dan!" I give him a look that shut him up. He knows not to push me.
The truth is, at the start we didn t have enough food, not because of money, but our parents simply beloved there was enough, witch was true since I wasn t eating prettyuch anything, but gen I turned fourteen and got a job at a caffe. I didn t make a lot, but it was enough for food and clothes. I even managed to buy Carlos gifts for both his birthday and Christmas. He wanted to make dome money top, but mum didn t let him. Everyone knew Carlos would do grat things in life, do to his academic rezults. He deserved every diploma he got, because I saw him spending countkess hours studying, while I didn bother to do my homework, much less extra work. Carlos inteligent, but he didn t always understand what was happaning in our house, he didnget why I dressed the way I did, or where I was going for weeks of months at time. He knew some of the things that were happaning to me, he knew about Amelia, but he didn t get the extend of it and I never explained it to him. He saw that I was far from okay, but he was sixteen. I Don t want to burden him with all my pain.

As we entered the school,people approched Carlos while I was invisibile. I liked it this way. Honestly,I Don t know how he has the social battery to deal of these fuckers. I could never be bothered to make friends or go in a date, mainly because I freaked out. I couldn t even hug Carlos, but he never took it personaly as he knew why phisical contact terrefied me so much. I was greatfull for that, for him.
" I ll see you at lunch,alright?" I nodded my head, while he walked away with his friend laughing and passing jokes.

I headed to clasa, witch was physics. Who puts physics at eight am on al monday morning? Fucking evil!
I opened the door and was met by Mrs Wilson. I never liked her, but ever since I trew a rock at her car window She seemed to have a serious problem with me. Some people are și dramatic!
" You re late." She started the ovious.
"No shit, Sherlock" I moumbled not quiet enough and the front row started laughing.
" Eden Miller, I m giving you detention." I rolled my eyes at her. Did she think I was gonna start begging her not to? It s one more hour away from home. I ll take it!
I didn t understand anything of what this women was saying, but pretended to take notes, while I wrote down reasons why I would rather be a fish. It may be wierd, bit forty minutes passed in no time.

Before my next class, I went behind the school, where I found Naomi. She s my smoke buddy. We weren t friends per se, but we talked as we both shared the same hobby. She stopped at weed tho, when I took anything that was hended to me: oxy, coke, heroin. It helped me, because life was easier when I didn t remember.
" Hey, bitch! How ve you been?"
" Fine, school is kicking my butt. You?"
" I broker uo with Alec yeasterday. I chaught him in bed with that blonde slut, Stephanie, and guess what?"
" Shock me"
" He said it s notbwhat it fucking looks like. Can you belive the nerve?" We both laughted.
" What did You expect? He s a men- whore"
" Well, my book says he was supposed to change for me and we would fall madly in love, not careing about his old whores."
" Jesus. You for realize that now You re one of his ex whores, right?" Her eyes widened.
,, Oh shit!" She said while taking another smoke. She was so funny when she cursed,because of her australian accent.

When lunch came around, I made ky way to the cafeteria, looking for my brother. I spoted him ar a table with his friends. He always was the golden child. People were drawed to him and I could see why. Neither hid looks or hîș personality dissaponted.
I took the seat next to him, not careing that it looked rude. His friends were used to me too, makeing slight chit chat, witch always failed when my answered were always two words at most.
" Hey, Car! Do you have anything to do after school?"
,, No. What do you have in mind?"
,, Wanna stuff our faces and people watch?" I always prefered watching people other then movies, since I could imagine anything about them.
,, Yeaa!" He said entusiaticly. He was always so extra, witch was what made him so special.

After tree more hours of torture, we were free. Well, until tomorow. We walked toc Donald's and ordered our usual. Fries and ice cream are the Best ship in the history of fast food.
" Dan?"
" Yeah" i said while devoring my nuggets.
" What are you going to do after we finish hightschool?" For him it was a when, for me was a very unprobabbly If.
Sensing my hesitation he added. " You still have time to get your grade up. I ll help You."
,, Thanks, but in case you Haven t noticed school isn t really my thing." I saw the way his face fell in dissapontment.
,, Well, I want to go to college. A good one and it may not be very close." He let out a heavy sight.
" It s okay. You deserve to be happy"
" You deserve that too! Danny, after everything you ve been through, I m worried about you" oh no. This Isn t suppose to happen.
,, I m sorry!"
"I don t want you to apologize. I just...What s going on with you?" He waited for my response. I didn t know what to say.
"I m fine,Carlos. Don t worry about me! You re important"
" You re important too! You re my little sister and You re not okay. I want to help you, but You don t talk to me" Fine, calm, collected, fine, calm,...
" I really am fine! Let s just talk about Something else." I begged him with my eyes to stop it and he did.
,, Thank you, Car" He just smiled at me.