The Alchemy

Guilty as sin?

-Sometimes during the making of Midnight-

As I walk down the hallway, I feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. It has been a while since I last saw him, and now we are in the same building. When Jack (Antonoff) told me Matty (Healy) was here and he was up for writing together, I could not believe it. I had feelings for him a long time ago, but neither of us were ready for anything, so we agreed to wait. But the timing was never quite right. Now that I am single—well, technically Joe (Alwyn) and I are on a break; it wasn't our first and likely won't be our last.

As I enter the room, I see Jack and Matty sitting on the grey sofa in front of a little table. I spot some glitter pen that I know Jack leave them there for me. I look around trying to avoid Matty's eyes but I fail. I feel my cheeks flushing as my eyes meet Matty's. They both stand up and greet me. I sit on one of the chairs in front of them. Jack tries to make small talk, but neither Matty nor I try too hard. We are just staring at each other.

We begin to talk about ideas for the songs when Jack's phone rings. He stands up and mutters an apology. I panic a little; I wasn't expecting to find myself alone with Matty this soon. Thoughts cross my mind that make me a little anxious. What if he tries anything? Does he even still likes me? I play with my fingers while thinking. Matty looks at me with a smile; he seems to know exactly what I am thinking. We stay silent until Jack comes back.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry, but I have to go." Jack says in a rush.

"Is everything okay? What happened?" I ask.

"Oh yes, I just forgot that I have a meeting with my producers. But you can stay here and work on the song if that's fine with you. You'll send me what you've done and we'll work on it. Or we can just reschedule. Keep me updated on what you decide," he tells us and leaves.

"So, what do you want to do?" Matty asks after a few minutes of silence.

"We can go on and send Jack what we've done," I splutter, trying to act like my heart isn't beating so fast in my chest. I could swear that even Jack, who was long gone by now, could hear it.

We continue to write some ideas. We are almost done when Matty turns towards me. I look up and meet his gaze; he is looking right into my eyes, and for a minute everything stops. I forget all my worries about the upcoming tour that I plain doing in a few months, how depressed I've been since Joe and I went on a break, and how lonely I have been. He has always had this effect on me. He slowly tucks a blonde streak behind my ear. If I were made of wax, I would have melted, and he knows it.

He leans closer, and I can feel his breath on my neck. I close my eyes at the sensation and catch myself moving my thighs closer to ease a feeling I shouldn't have. He puts one hand on my knee and whispers in my ear,

"You know I remember the promise I made to you. Make a move when you're ready, but I wouldn't wait too long for you."

I can't move or speak. I stand there stunned by his words. I can't think straight; I feel needed. I am ready to make a move when the weight of his hand on my thigh disappears. Confused, I open my eyes and watch him take his stuff and head towards the door. As he is about to open it, he turns around with a smirk and says, 

"It's getting late. See you soon, Wendy."

Wendy was a nickname he gave me the first time we met at a party at my house. He came with some mutual friends, and we immediately connected. As I was showing him around the house, he saw the book on my nightstand.

"Peter Pan isn't a book for kids," he said, making fun of me. Since then, he's called me that. I've never actually heard him call me by any other name.