Affinity

7:30 pm, NYE, 2023

    Never in my life did I think that I'd ever find myself at Lindsey's house, sitting across from her at her kitchen island, a glass of wine in my hand, on New Year's Eve. Granted, I had a good reason to be the first one there (I was bringing the food), but it was still an incredibly bizarre feeling. I had held some level of anxiety about this night for the past few weeks, since Lindsey had proposed to have a New Year's Eve party at her house. I immediately thought about not going- I was relatively close with everybody, but had still been there the shortest amount of time, so it felt like I was still the most distant of the group. But, Jess and Taylor both persuaded me into going.

    I had spent the last few days freaking out and calling everyone I knew to figure out whether or not I should really go, what I should wear if I do go, and what I was going to do if I went. I think I must have called Amelia more times in the last week than I ever had in my life. Although, I felt like at this point, Amelia was less on the advising side of this whole situation, but was more just here for the drama. And honestly, I couldn't blame her... this was ridiculous.

The door charmed as it opened in the other room, Katherine and her husband letting themselves into the house. "Woah! I'm not the first one here for once!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands, both adorned with bottles of wine, out to her sides. Lindsey stood up, I shifted in my seat too, to be facing the two of them.

"Congratulations! Thanks for being here, guys," Lindsey said to them. "Saoirse picked up the food for the night, and I was an idiot and set the pickup time way earlier than necessary, so I've been boring her for the past half hour," she added. I felt a twinge of sadness realizing that she felt like she had to explain why I was there. I mean, she really did, because it was honestly pretty weird that she and I had been sitting there for a while, but it still felt a little sad. But, judging by Katherine's look, I knew that Lindsey's explanation was necessary.

"Where's Jack?" Christ, Katherine's husband asked, setting a tray of what looked like cookies on the island we were all standing around.

Lindsey looked around. "Um, I'm honestly not sure. He was screwing around with the fireplace out back because I wanted people to be able to go step out there if they needed. But," she turned and looked out the large window that looked out from the kitchen into the backyard, "I don't see him out there, so-" she shrugged her shoulders. She looked at me, almost anxiously. I pursed my lips at her and her anxious look turned into a small smile. I reciprocated to let her know that everything was okay.

"I thought Jess was supposed to come with you, Saoirse. She was telling me the other day that you two had planned to come together." I brought my eyes away from Lindsey, who I was still looking at to make sure that she was okay.

"I called her when I was trying to leave and she told me she wasn't ready yet, so I think she's going to try and hitch a ride with Taylor," I told her. The reality of the situation, being that I was hanging out with my coworkers and their partners on New Year's Eve, started to dawn on me, and I became increasingly more anxious about this whole situation becoming awkward. Katherine shrugged her shoulders, and Lindsey agreed that it was pretty typical Jess behavior to be slightly late for everything.

    Within another twenty minutes, Danielle, Jess and Taylor, Tom, and Grant had shown up. Once more people had shown up, I began feeling more and more comfortable. Jess and Taylor, alone, but especially together, were always the ones that brought the fun energy to the room. They were always the ones telling all of the stories, asking all of the questions, making the most jokes. It was almost impossible to not have a good time with them. Which, I was really thankful for because as a more introverted person, it was nice to have someone that did all of the talking.

    As the night wore on, Lindsey and I found ourselves occasionally catching each others' eyes across the room, sharing glances that I was thankful nobody seemed to notice. It felt like our eyes met more often than not.  There was an inner and unspoken understanding that I think was happening between us, and it was simultaneously exhilarating and comforting all at the same time.