My awful mother-in-law tried to force me to bake her blackberry muffins.

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My awful mother-in-law tried to force me to bake her blackberry muffins, so I exposed the horrible truth.

I (29F) have been together with my husband (33M) for 5 years, married for 2, but my mother-in-law (57F) always hated me and I don't know why. In the beginning it was manageable, she would only make snarky comments about whatever I did, whenever she saw me, but after I ignored her for a while she would usually get bored and quit. I assumed she was just an overprotective mother who had a questionable relationship with her son, but from what my husband told me, that wasn't the case. Regardless of whether that was the truth or not, she wasn't very present in my life for years and when the time came for me to plan my wedding I even invited my mother-in-law to help me with the wedding preparations and she was surprisingly helpful. This led me to feel regret for practically cutting her out of my life, so I started talking to her on the phone at least once a week at first and that quickly progressed to us talking or meeting up at least three times per week. That was my first mistake. During our talks it quickly became evident to me that she never stopped being rude to me, I just haven't been drinking my ginkgo tea, which caused my brain to be quite slow, so all of her insults went right over my head. However at that point I was seeing her so much that it would be too embarrassing to admit that I was too stupid to realise she was insulting me, so I bought some wireless earbuds and started listening to KoЯn whenever she spoke so I wouldn't have to hear what she had to say. You can vote on your phones right now to decide if I am the asshole or not. Ever since I started doing that my life has been peaceful on the outside which allowed me to cultivate the peace within myself as well. All of that changed last week however, when I came into possession of five kilograms of blackberries, which cost me over 60€. They were grown by somebody that I used to know and the time we met to exchange the blackberries for the money was actually the last time I ever saw that person, since they fell down a hole on the way back from the lagune where I obtained the blackberries. At the time of their gruesome death I was already gorging on the sweet treats that were now all mine, but I fortunately passed out from the sugar before I could eat them all. When I awoke the following morning I was still in a daze due to my missguided actions on the day prior, but I quickly gathered my thoughts and did the only sensible thing I could do on an early morning. I went on my phone, which is how I found out about the tragic fate that befell the keeper of the blackberries and it was then that I decided to use them for only the best causes. When I returned home my husband didn't question where I had been, since this kind of behaviour was normal for me, the crazy crazy girl that I am. I swiftly froze the blackberries and decided that they could only be used as offerings for Dionysus and Re, both of whom have shrines in my house. After that all was well, I was making my offerings, KoЯn continued to be my most played artist on Spotify and I was content again. What I didn't know at that time was that the day I brought the blackberries home, my life became a lie and the one who was responsible for that was my own husband. He had told his mother about my sacred berries and she immediately tried to use them to turn the gods themselves against me. You see her name day was coming up and she loved fruity desserts and she also knew that when it comes to baking I can't stop cooking and everything I touch comes out absolutely delicious. So she wasted no time and asked me to bake her blackberry muffins for her name day and she did that in front of my husband, just so I would be too embarrassed to say no to her. At the time my earbuds were also out of power so I heard every word she said and I couldn't pretend I didn't hear her. I of course didn't want to be responsible for bringing any sort of muffins into the world, because as an established baker, that was obviously beneath me. But asking me to put my sacred blackberries in the muffins was just rubbing salt into the wound. Despite the insult to my pride I acted like it would be an honour to bake the stupid dessert, but in my mind I had already hatched a plan. You see, all of my time spent on Spotify to numb the pain, turned out to not be time wasted after all. Because during my countless hours spent on that app I actually managed to find my mother-in-law there and all of her playlists. When I browsed through them I immediately noticed that she didn't have Cut to the feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen in any of them, even though her entire family was, like the desserts she likes, pretty fruity, so they naturally gravitated towards Cralys music. At the time of this discovery I had already begun to drink my ginkgo tea again so my brain was extra fast and I decided to catch my mother-in-law saying that she doesn't care much for Carly Rae Jepsen and record her, just in case I ever needed to get her out of my hair. Luckily that recording would now allow me to save my precious blackberries and ruin my mother-in-law once and for all. So I decided to buy a mountain of plastic blackberry muffins and brought them to her name day celebration. Everyone at the gathering was in awe at the sheer scale of my sweet creation, but little did they know that I hid 20 JBL speakers in the middle of the muffin mountain and they were all ready to blast the recording of my mother-in-law at full volume at any time I chose. And I chose wisely. The day had already turned to evening when she decided to give a speech before the dessert would be handed out, but just as she opened her mouth I hit play and for a few moments it even looked like she was telling everyone in real time that she doesn't care much about Carly Rae Jepsen. Nobody at the party questioned the authenticity of the recording and my mother-in-law was immediately ostracised from the family. I quickly escaped from the evil gays before they found out that the muffins were fake and got even angrier. And that is how I protected my relationship with the gods once and for all and I never had to listen to KoЯn again. My relationship with my husband? Well that is a story for another day. You can once again vote on your phones and decide if I was the asshole in this situation.