Love Bites

VII. Nothing's Changing, But I Am

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"Brendon, can I see you over here?" Ryan whispered near his ear, his thumb pointing toward the cleanest alley on the block. "Sure." He said, his tone questionable and somewhat fearful. Ryan laced his fingers with Brendon's loosely and tugged him towards the nearby alley, undetectable from everyone else. A light, heavy breath was heard as he hurriedly pushed the dark-haired boy against the concrete, his heavy breathing filling the quiet hum of air conditioners from shops. Radiating heat swarmed the two boys, Brendon's body squirming a bit at the sudden touch of the pale boy's fingers against his waist, his face digging into the crook of the shorter boy's neck. The boy muttered softly, his eyes squeezed tight at the now wetness of his neck, "Ryan, what are you doing." Brendon hesitantly ran his hands along the boy's bony back, unsure what to do in the current situation. "Brendon," Ryan exhaled against the boy's skin, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this." He gently placed feathered kisses against his neck and exposed collarbone, nibbling at the exposed skin. The feeling sent surges of electricity up Brendon's body, a light whimper escaping from his lips.
Brendon's stomach felt light and ill, a feeling he hadn't felt since the second grade when he spoke to a former classmate, Sarah Orzechowski. His body tingled as Ryan's hands began tracing the shape of his hips, and then his body was overcome with a sharp sting. He lets out a yelp as he feels a puncher against his collarbone.
Then he wakes up.

Brendon's body jerks up, the echo of his mother's voice. It was Sunday. He tries his best to block out the shrieks of his mother as he stretches his upper body and yawns. The boy's mind was overcome with thoughts of his wicked dream, laying his hands all around his neck and collarbone in search of wounds. To his luck, nothing was there. Pulling the tangle of sheets from his body he got up, looking at himself in the mirror he saw a scruffy boy, almost like Jon. His hair stuck out in several directions and his clothes seemed stretched out as if they were taken from the washer and swung around like a rope. Brendon felt lingering eyes on himself, the hairs on his neck rising quickly. Pulling himself from the trance he was set in, he skittered to his dresser to pick out his finest white dress shirt, black pants, and undergarments, then headed to the bathroom where his sister, Kara. The sound of running water was muffled by the door as Brendon scoffed and leaned against the wall of the door with his clothes. Waiting for Kara to exit from the bathroom.

After what felt like minutes the door finally started to creek open, Brendon craned his neck to find his sister in a formal dress and a bare face. He quickly moved from his place and rushed into the bathroom, praying that Kara hadn't used all the hot water. The boy stared at himself in the mirror for a while, pulling at the skin on his face to form a new look. He wasn't exactly mad at how he turned out, but he wasn't glad either. Shaking the thought, Brendon ran the water till it started to burn the tips of his fingers, undressing promptly and stepping in the shower. Warm showers made Brendon calm, and forget anything awkward or disturbing to him. The water lightly burned his skin as it ran down his now reddening skin, The tenseness in his body now soothed.

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Brendon smoothed his hair down as he walked into the large white building, decorative plants and paintings surrounding the entrance to try to make it feel more homey. Shoes pattered throughout the small church, voices echoed and chirped about their weeks. The Urie's quickly scattered throughout the building to chat. The church was one of the few places where Brendon had felt uneasy, it wasn't the people or the fact his friends weren't there. But the topics that were discussed at every gathering. He sat near one of the back rows with Kara, she piddled on her phone doing god knows what while Brendon fidgeted with the dry, loose skin around his nails. The gesture wasn't rare, but it gave his cover of fear away immensely.

A voice boomed throughout the white room as a man stood behind a podium with a thick book laid on top. Everyone broke away into their respective rows and cleared their throats, giving all their attention to the bishop. The man cleared his throat once more and flattened the black robe, the man licked the tip of his finger and began flipping pages. The bishop began speaking, spreading the word of the lord, with a prayer to start. The man smiled after the small prayer and began to speak about homosexuality. He spoke of how same-sex sexual activities were sinful and frowned upon. The topic made Brendon's skin crawl, his blood growing cold at the thought of his dream. The way it all felt so real, the feathered kisses, the electric touch of Ryan. It all felt too real to be a dream. The entire sermon he sat still apart from his still restless hands, his mind in a different world as the man yammered.

As the sermon came to a halt, Brendon came back down to the world, out of the solitude of his mind. Nearly the entire time, his mind wandered to that same dream, trying to rack through his mind to think of a dream that could've been similar. He knew he couldn't tell Jon or Spencer about this, especially Ryan. The dream would shatter his chances of cracking the pale boy's secrets that he constantly wondered about. Brendon knew he wasn't gay, he had never been attracted to a man before, but that dream had him questioning himself and his faith.

The second Brendon had gotten home, he desperately texted Jon several times, asking if he had any grass and that he needed to forget. It wasn't until almost 40 minutes later that Jon responded, 'omw.' He quickly changed into less formal and more comfortable clothes and grabbed his glasses that he had forgotten to pick up when he left his room that morning. Around 10 minutes later, Brendon heard a honk about a block away. He knew it was Jon because he dared to never even step foot in front of Brendon's house since Mrs. Urie shooed Jon away with a broom over a simple slip of the word 'hell'. Brendon quickly gathered his coat in his arms and ran down the stairs, taping a note to the fridge, since his mother left to the store and his father was at work. He jogged all the way to a gray Chevy Malibu. Quickly opening the door, the smell of weed filled Brendon's nostrils, something he hadn't smelled in weeks. Brendon quickly buckled himself into the passenger's seat. "You ready, Mr. Safety?" Jon snickered as he looked Brendon's way. "Yes. Let's go." Brendon spoke sternly, his eyebrows knitting together lightly as he stared ahead. Jon pulled the stick and pressed on the gas, removing his hand quickly to turn up the radio, humming to a song that Brendon knew as the 'Fanboy Song' or Chicago Is So Two Years Ago. He only referred to the song as that because Jon and Spencer enjoyed it so much, Fall Out Boy was quickly growing in the scene and Brendon's mother wasn't going to have her son spiraling down the same path as Jon. But she didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. Brendon stared out of the window when he spotted someone in a gray coat sitting at the bus stop, he seemed oddly familiar, a pale green newsboy cap laid atop some mildly dark brown hair. The person wore gloves with completely cutout fingers and had pale pink fingertips poking from their hair. Just then it clicked in Brendon's head, the person at the bus stop was Ryan, the boy who he had dreamed about so vividly. His heart began to quickly beat, and his yelled in a whisper for Jon to slow down as he rolled down the window. "Ryan?" Brendon questioned, and he squinted his eyes through his glasses to see if it really was him, the boy's head slowly lifted as honey eyes met his. Brendon's heart began to beat 10x faster than it had before, "What are you doing at the bus stop by yourself? I mean, it's 2..." Brendon stammered as he looked down at the watch on his wrist, "2:34." He averted his gaze from the watch back to the pale, lonely boy. "Well, I don't really have anyone to hang out with, I guess?" Ryan spoke quizzically, looking from Brendon to the annoyed look of Jon. "Why don't you come with me and Jon?" Brendon offered, a small smile forming on the corners of his mouth. Ryan looked down hesitantly before looking back to nod slowly, "Sure. Thanks." Ryan reciprocated the gesture and slowly got up to sit in the back passenger's seat. Despite Ryan's mental age, he still felt like the loner boy he once was when he truly was 17. He strapped himself down with the seatbelt and Jon began their journey again. Brendon gasped when he realized what was playing, the smile on his lips grew to a wide grin as he turned up the radio. Jon laughed and nudged Brendon with his hand as Brendon began singing the song on the radio, 'I Want It That Way'
"You are... My fire~!" Brendon looked at Jon with a goofy smile and Jon smiled back, "My one. Desire~!" Jon chuckled "Believe... When I say!" Brendon sang in a similar tone, "I want it that way!" Brendon and Jon harmonized, almost yelling at the top of their lungs, Ryan laughed along with them as they continued the song. At that moment, it was the most fun Ryan had engaged in his entire life, and he never wanted it to end. Then they pulled into the driveway of Jon's pale yellow home.