Retirement Announcement

The End

Hello Firewhisperers, Readers, and Newcomers alike,
I feel as though this has been a long time coming. I've been meaning to write this, in truth, but always found something that distracted me. However, I think the time has come.
This is my official retirement announcement.
I'm sure many of you saw this coming. After all, I haven't written anything for here since October, and I essentially never log in anymore. In truth, I never could picture the day this place would slip from my mind and I wouldn't think to check notifications, but slowly, that became my norm. I nearly forgot about all of this at times. But I feel like I still owe you all one last story, so here you are. It's only appropriate to tell the story of how we got here.
My real name is Sonia. I'll be 24 in September. Yes, HiddenPoet is actually my best friend in real life, and we have been since high school. In fact, I'll be the maid of honor at her wedding. I have a wonderful mom, dad, and brother, and an incredibly loving partner named Miles whom I plan on being with for the rest of my life. I've grown and changed a lot since I've started this page.
In 2015 I found myself experiencing daydreams so severe that I felt the urge to pace the room, talk aloud, get completely lost in my own mind. By this point, I'm sure many of you have heard of this. I've suffered from anxiety since I was a baby, and as I entered middle and high school it reached a point where my mind began maladaptive daydreaming to cope with all that. At the time, I was also a ballerina, and the toxic culture combined with newly creeping body issues all clashed in a horrible storm that refused to calm. Unable to bear the intense images in my head, my wonderful friend Skittles introduced me to writing fanfiction, and I found an outlet.
I pretty much refuse to acknowledge the first year. Although I saw great success, I can't think back on that writing without cringing. I wrote of insecure girls harming themselves because that's who I was at the time. Jealousy runs rampant in ballet studios, and someone I was meant to see as a mentor broke me, turning me into someone vulnerable to manipulation.
2017 brought stories of abuse. An old childhood friend came back into my life and turned up the heat as I unknowingly boiled in a pot. It turned to degrading and shouting, turning me into a shell. Even after I cut him out of my life, I heard the things he'd say about me from others, doing everything to discredit me so that if I spoke up, no one would listen.
Yeah fuck you Rory.
For so long, my stories reflected my life. "You Better Bring an Umbrella" brought the first signs of healing, but it wasn't until this past year that it came.
Frightened and lost post college graduation, I began to break down. Despite everything I'd been through, this was the first time my anxiety got so bad that I couldn't eat or sleep. I was afraid of my own room, refused to go anywhere near it. I didn't want to exist.
Afraid of myself, I decided to finally seek help.
It took a while, but the images slowly began to cease as the anxiety faded away. I found myself daydreaming less and less until it stopped completely, but I wasn't upset about it. It felt right.
"Of Flesh and Bone" came right before the storm.
It was only a few months later that Miles and I got together, and the pieces of life fell into place. A lot of things are still uncertain, but they're not as frightening.
I'm happy and content. I've got a good life, and what isn't clear now will be some day. I'm in the right place to make the decision to retire from all of this.
I want to say that it has been a pleasure. You all helped me realize I was actually meant to be a writer. It wasn't the awards, the video features, or the praise. It was knowing I had a way to connect to people and give them time to get away from their own demons, something I was doing.
Hopefully one day you'll see my horror stories out there. Apparently I'm good at that genre, and I like writing it.
Once again, I want to say thank you. You all made my teenage years so memorable. I know I'm leaving things unfinished, but it wouldn't feel right writing it with no passion. I'd rather leave the magic as it is, trapped in its time capsule.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope you all take care.
All my love,
Firewhisperer13