Mantis

2. Philip

A week after returning from Spain, I was slowly getting back into the daily routine from before the trip. Taking advantage of the last few days of student vacation, I spent most of the day in the saddle under Filip's guidance, who had been steadfastly befriending the authoritarian lunatic that I was since high school. Our bond was held together by our love for horses, which I had fallen for head over heels when I was still a little girl, and everything indicated that nothing would drive us apart.

I finished riding and led the horse back to the stall. While waiting for Philip, who kindly offered to take my saddle to the tack room, I replied to Alex's message.

I never thought bringing holiday acquaintances into everyday reality was a good idea, but Alexander was so... straightforward. I liked him. I felt good with him around. It was as if with the snap of a finger, I could have half the world practically for free. It was nice not to have to exert myself and control everything. So, I figured it was a good time to stop playing the game of raising naughty boys and start enjoying the peace alongside the perfect man.

Philip returned, and I lifted my gaze from the phone, my smile fading as I met his thoughtful gaze.

- Why are you looking at me like that? - I asked, tucking my phone into the pocket of my breeches. - Did I get dirty somewhere?

Philip continued to gaze at me for a moment with a somewhat foggy look, and a wistful smile appeared on his face.

- I'll miss you - he muttered, smiling faintly.

- Why? Are you going somewhere?

Philip didn't respond immediately again, but he nodded slowly.

- Yeah - he muttered indifferently at last and looked away, then began to kick a pebble lying near his left foot. - I got a really good job offer near Berlin. Starting from the beginning of October.

Philip kicked the pebble stubbornly, looking at me from beneath his lashes, and I finally examined him more closely.

- From October? - I repeated after him, not quite believing if I heard correctly.

- Yeah. - Philip glanced to the side and rubbed the back of his neck. - For a year. Maybe longer.

The little creature inside me rubbed its eyes in disbelief. He was leaving for a year in just a few days, and he was only telling me now? Such news didn't just drop on people out of the blue. It wasn't like a trip to the store for bread. Never before had Philip failed to inform me, even about a weekend trip to the seaside, and now suddenly he was telling me he was leaving for a year or more, and in just a few days?

- What are you looking at? - Philip interrupted the gallop of my thoughts, and I realized I had been silent for a while.

- You surprised me - I muttered, because I wasn't quite sure what to say in this situation. - It's very fast. And for a long time. It's very... sudden.

Philip didn't respond immediately. He glanced to the side and fixed his gaze on the stable building's wall.

- Actually, I got this offer some time ago... - he mumbled, stealing a glance at me from beneath his lashes.

- You never mentioned it once - I remarked, and Philip looked away again, only speaking after a while.

- I couldn't decide - he muttered.

I examined him more closely. He was acting strangely. Not like himself.

- Is something wrong? - I asked, trying to make eye contact with him.

- Nothing like that - he replied indistinctly, still avoiding my gaze. - It's just... - Finally, he looked at me as if he wanted to convey something non-verbally. - I just... - he stopped and took a deep breath. - I didn't want to leave you here alone - he finally blurted out, kicking another small pebble.