Mantis

50. Chocolate tears

I was sitting on my bed in my student apartment, clutching a corner of the duvet, staring aimlessly out the window. For over an hour, an internal medicine textbook lay open in front of me on page six hundred eighteen, but I hadn't read a single line. I kept thinking about Victor and our conversation yesterday.

He hadn't contacted me all day, and I was going crazy, even though I was the one who left the apartment and made it clear to him that it would be better if we stopped seeing each other. And it should have been better this way. Victor would return to his life, and I to mine. Gradually, we would forget, and there would be no friendship, no magical bond, no... No one. Victor would disappear and never show up again.

This vision, for some reason, was terribly depressing. I couldn't function with him, and without him, I wasn't doing any better. It was supposed to be better, but it wasn't, damn it.

As I sat there buried under the blanket, overwhelmed by the apathy that had taken hold of me, the doorbell rang, followed shortly by knocking, but I didn't react. There was no one in the apartment except me, and I wasn't expecting guests.

After a while, the doorbell rang again, followed by a series of knocks, and this repeated over and over until the sounds of someone pounding on the door became so insistent that, irritated beyond measure, I stopped staring pointlessly out the window and angrily rushed to the door.

I intended to yell at whoever was so brazenly banging on the apartment door, but instead, I stood there dumbfounded, unable to utter a single word because I was face to face with Victor.

He immediately stepped over the threshold, not waiting for me to invite him in or even close the door. He walked up to me, took me in his arms, and attacked my lips. He surprised me so much that my lips didn't even move. I didn't have time to think about whether I wanted this, but it clearly didn't bother him. He pulled his lips away from mine and looked at me with eyes shining with excitement.

– I don't care what you do or say – he declared, brushing stray curls from my face. – You're not broken. You're amazing.

I stared at him, stunned. His eyes shone with wild determination and admiration, and the fragments of my thoughts slowly began to form into words.

Meanwhile, Victor cupped my face with both hands and leaned in towards my lips again.

– Wait – I managed to say at last. I pushed his beautiful face away and looked at him, waiting for his wandering gaze to focus on me. I didn't understand. – What are you doing?

Victor didn't respond immediately, just fixed his chocolate eyes on me.

– I adore you – he murmured in a hot voice. – You can say whatever you want, but I still won't be able to stop thinking about you.

He leaned in towards me again, and I stopped him once more. Victor looked at me confused. Essentially, I felt the way he was looking at me. I didn't understand anything.

– Do you hear yourself? – I asked, disentangling myself from his embrace and feeling a strange anger rising within me from who knows where. – We formed some absurd relationship, and now you're telling me you don't care? Just yesterday, you wanted to cut ties with me. You'd had enough of me. Do you think that because I told you about my past, I'll suddenly change? I'll still be the same. I'm not going to suddenly become a smiling, perfect housewife that everyone loves.

Victor shook his head.

– It's not like that – he muttered, carefully placing his hands on my shoulders. – Back then, I thought you were just playing with people's emotions. That you were toying with me and him, and that you enjoyed it. I had no idea how much effort it cost you. And I don't want to tell you how you should be. I don't want to change you. I just want to show you a slightly different world, one without all these mind games and secrets. Just please – his tone turned pleading – leave that Aviator alone. He might be a good guy, but not for you.