⋆⭒ CHRONICLES OF LOVERS ／ TWICE˚｡⋆

꒰ coming home from the bar ꒱ - chaeyoung

꒰𖧧꒱ 𓂃 "i'm drunk at the back of the car, and i'm cryin' like a baby comin' home from the bar."

꒰𖧧꒱ 𓂃  "coming home from the bar"⸝⸝ son chaeyoung. 

꒰𖧧꒱ 𓂃 song for this chapter: "cruel summer" ⸝⸝ by taylor swift. 

ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ. ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ. ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ.ㆍ. ㆍ. 

The ground seemed to move under my feet, as if I were walking on a conveyor belt in an erratic direction. Each step felt uncertain, and the bar seemed like an endless maze of shadows and flickering lights. My head throbbed with its own rhythm, each beat a wave of dizziness that made me stagger even more. I clung to the edge of the bar, trying to steady myself, but everything felt too unstable.

My thoughts were a confused, each idea coming half-formed before fading into the other. I felt nauseous, a constant wave of discomfort that only intensified with every passing second. The bar lights flickered dimly, a mix of colors that pretended to be welcoming but only managed to resemble a feverish nightmare. The music was loud enough to drown out my thoughts, but not enough to keep me from remembering my monumental failure of the day.

I hadn't been accepted into the school of my dreams. And no, it wasn't one of those fantasy schools that take your liver and then give you back the rest of your organs for a modest fee. It was a real school, with real teachers and a program that, in my fantasies, would make me the best nurse (and hopeful doctor) in the world. But for some cosmic reason or twist of fate, they didn't see it that way.

I sighed and lifted my glass of whisky. I knew nothing about whisky, but the bartender assured me this one was good. Well, at least better than my academic prospects.

"Another one?" The bartender, a guy with more tattoos than visible skin, looked at me with a mix of sympathy and curiosity. Maybe he was used to seeing lost souls like me.

"Yes, please. Double or triple.. I guess," I said, feeling like intoxication was my only reliable friend.

As the amber-colored liquid filled my glass, my thoughts drifted to Chaeyoung. No, I couldn't think of her now. The last person who needed to see my misery was her.

Chaeyoung filled my thoughts with a tumultuous mix of emotions. I loved her with an intensity that surprised even myself, as if every beat of my heart were synchronized with hers. She was my guardian angel, my muse, the woman for whom I had built castles in the air. But she was also a source that always seemed to be just out of my reach. Her gift was always appearing at just the right moment to save me from my own disasters and from myself.

I saw her in every corner of my mind, her red hair shining like fire in the sunlight, her eyes as blue as deep oceans that engulfed me every time I got lost in them. I remembered her laughter, her carefree way of walking through life as if worries were just small clouds that dissipated in her presence. She's the woman who had never realized how hopelessly in love with her I was.I took a long sip and decided that self-pity was the drink of the day. I closed my eyes and let the music and alcohol carry me away to a place where my shattered dreams wouldn't haunt me.

I lost count of how long I'd been there, staring blankly into space and silently cursing the universe. Suddenly, a firm hand landed on my shoulder, snapping me out of my stupor.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Her voice cut through the din, unmistakable and filled with concern. I turned slowly and there she was, with her tousled red hair and those damn eyes that looked at me like she could fix me.

"Drowning my sorrows, what else does it look like?" I muttered, trying to sound sarcastic.

She sighed and sat down beside me, without asking permission, as if she had every right to be there. Maybe she did.

"Oh, God, it's not the end of the world," she said, taking my glass and taking a sip.

With this whisky, it might seem like it.

"Go away, I don't need your pity," I tried to sound firm, but my words wavered just like me.

"It's not pity, it's concern. Do you want to talk about it or do you wanna keep drinking until you forget your name?"

I sighed deeply, feeling tears threatening to overflow. Anger, frustration, and sadness mixed into a dangerous cocktail.

"They didn't accept me, Chae. They didn't accept me and I don't know what to do now."

She looked at me steadily, her expression soft but firm.

"You can't let this fuck you up. Come on, let's talk at home. You're a goddamn wreck," Y/N said, trying to lift me off the stool.

"You don't say, Miss Obvious," I muttered, swaying and almost falling onto her. "How could I survive without your brilliant observations?"

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"I don't need anything from you, thanks. Well, another drink," I tried to break free from her grip, but she was like a red-haired octopus with tattoos so pretty.

"Sure, because that'll solve your problems," Chaeyoung said, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly!" I replied, sarcasm thick enough to cut with a knife.

But she wasn't intimidated. She lifted me off the stool and, before I could properly protest, hoisted me over her shoulder.

"Hey! Damn it, what are you doing? Put me down, damn it!" I shouted, kicking and weakly hitting. But Chaeyoung, being the force of nature she was, completely ignored me.

"This is for your own good," she said, carrying me towards the exit of the bar.

People watched us with a mix of amusement and bewilderment.

"Oh, sure! Because carrying me over your shoulder like a sack of Idaho potatoes is exactly what I've always wanted!" I yelled, my voice barely audible over the music and bar chatter.

She took me to her car, put me in the back seat, and closed the door with a firm snap. Then she got into the driver's seat and started the engine.

"We're going to my place and everything will be fine. Stop with the loser attitude."

"Sure, because you always have all the answers, right?" I muttered, slumping against the seat. But deep down, I knew she was right. She always was. "Because everything always works out for you, and here I am, years of studying for this, only to get rejected."

Once inside her apartment, she helped me out of the car and led me to the sofa. I was so tired and dizzy that I didn't protest much more. She wrapped me in a blanket and placed a cup of hot tea in my hands.

"Drink this. It'll help," she said, sitting down next to me.

"Why are you like this with me?" I asked again, my voice breaking with emotion.

"Because I care about you," she said, her voice soft and sincere. "I won't let anything happen to you."

The tears finally overflowed, and I let go, crying on her shoulder while she hugged me tightly. It was a moment of vulnerability, but also of comfort. In her arms, I felt that maybe, just maybe, I could find the strength to keep going.

I murmured through sobs. "I hate you, but I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You don't have to know," she replied, stroking my hair. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

I looked down. I didn't know if it was the alcohol, but something was consuming me.

"Why haven't you never realized, Chaeyoung?" I whispered, barely aware I had said those words out loud.

"Realized what?" she asked, her voice soft and patient.

"That I'm in love with you," I said, feeling the words slip out.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence before Chaeyoung spoke.

"Y/N, this isn't the time for this. You're drunk."

"Oh, I'm sorry! Do I need an appointment with you?" I responded with bitterness, tears mixing with frustration. I stood up from the sofa.

"Maybe when you're sober and not about to pass out," Chaeyoung replied, her tone firm and a bit cruel, though I knew that wasn't her intention. 

I collapsed back onto the sofa, feeling the dizziness and nausea returning with force. I could almost see stars spinning around me, and I closed my eyes, trying to stabilize myself.

"I love you, Chaeyoung. It's been that way forever. But you're an idiot who never notices anything."

Chaeyoung sighed and came closer, holding me again. The air between us was charged with electricity, and my emotions were teetering on the edge, balancing between hope and fear of rejection. My lips trembled slightly as I looked at Chaeyoung, her eyes shining with a mix of concern and determination.

I wanted to kiss her, to express somehow the storm of feelings overwhelming me inside. It was as if this moment, between the darkness and the warmth of her presence, was the only place where I could be truly honest. I leaned towards her, hoping our lips would meet in a kiss that would seal our shared emotions. But at the last second, I felt Chaeyoung gently turn her head, avoiding my kiss with a softness that felt like a punch to the gut.

"You're drunk. I'm not going to kiss you when you're like this. We'll talk later," she said, her voice firm but compassionate.

My heart sank in my chest, a mix of shame and pain resonating in every fiber of my being. It felt as if the ground opened up beneath my feet, as if all the vulnerability I had gathered in that moment vanished in an instant. My eyes filled with tears as I recoiled, feeling the mix of emotions crushing me.

"When will 'later' be, Chaeyoung?" my voice trembled with a mix of emotions. "You always avoid it."

Chaeyoung sighed, her eyes meeting mine with a mix of sadness and determination.

"I'm not avoiding it, Y/N. But now isn't the time for this conversation."

"Oh, sure!" I exclaimed, my words laden with sarcasm. "Because you're always the rational one, the perfect one, the one who always has everything under control."

"It's not about being perfect," Chaeyoung said, her voice taking on a firmer tone. "It's about respecting your feelings and mine."

"And when will that happen?" I replied, my voice rising in a torrent of emotions.

Chaeyoung took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"Y/N, please, let's not do this now."

"So you're saying there will never be a right time, right?" my words came out in a whisper full of despair.

There was a tense silence between us, filled with unspoken words and tangled emotions.

"Why can you never just let me be honest with you?" I murmured, my voice choked by alcohol and frustration.

My tears were falling freely now, my emotions in a whirlwind I couldn't control. I felt the pain and sadness mix with the alcohol in my system, creating a perfect storm of despair.
"Leave me alone, okay?" I whispered, turning away from her gaze carefully.

But instead of moving away, I felt Chaeyoung hold onto me with determination, refusing to leave me alone in my pain.

"I'm not going to leave you like this," she said, her voice soft but firm.

"Fine, you always end up hiding and running away," I responded bitterly, feeling the anger seep into every word.

Chaeyoung pressed her lips together, her eyes still filled with that unmistakable mix of love and frustration.

"That's not true. Listen to me, I'm sorry if I've hurt you. But we need to talk about this another time, and that will be when the alcohol isn't talking for you," she said, her voice laden with regret.

Chaeyoung took a deep breath, her eyes searching mine with an intensity that made me recoil.I felt as if I had been hit by a wave of reality. My emotions were tangled in an impossible knot to untie, and although I wanted to scream at her, I knew deep down that she was right.
"You need to rest a bit and calm down."

"And if I don't want to calm down? And if I just want you to finally see me?" my words came out laden with desperation and longing.

Chaeyoung looked at me with compassion, her expression softening. "I will, but not like this. Not now."

The pain in my chest intensified, a mix of frustration and unrequited love. I fell back onto the sofa again, feeling the weight of my emotions dragging me down.

"I'm tired of this, Chaeyoung. Tired of always being the one waiting."

"I'm sorry," Chaeyoung said, her voice full of regret as she sat beside me. "But we will talk about it when you're ready, and I won't run away anymore. Just wait for me."

The tears continued to roll down my cheeks, each one a painful reminder of all the times I had waited in vain. I felt a knot in my throat as the words poured out of me, driven by the accumulated pain and the need to be understood.

"Wait for you? Chaeyoung, I've been waiting for you for years. Years in which I've loved you, endured seeing you with others, and swallowed it all just to see you happy. And you're always there, but never the way I want. You're always my friend, but never the person I love."

She lowered her gaze, her fingers gently caressing mine.

"I didn't know it was like that. I always thought that..." her voice broke, pain reflected on her face.

"You always thought wrong," I interrupted bitterly. "And now, when I finally tell you, you reject me. What more do you need, Chaeyoung? How much more do I have to suffer for you to see me?"

Chaeyoung lifted her head.

"I didn't know..."
"You didn't know?" I repeated incredulously. "How could you not know? You've always been my world. You've always been that unreachable star in my universe. And now, what? What do I do with all this I feel?"

She sighed. She does that when she doesn't know what to say.

"We were together one night, Chaeyoung..." I began, my voice breaking. "We slept together."

She stopped and looked at me with a mix of confusion and pain. I swallowed hard, the knot in my throat tightening.

"That night, two years ago. The festival. When you left and I stayed. You called me to join you and we ended up drinking together. I was drunk, but it was the first time I felt like you saw me, like you understood me. And then, when we kissed and you stayed with me... I thought everything would change."

She frowned, her expression hardening.

"I was drunk and so were you. I barely remember anything and you know that."

"But I do, damn it!" I shouted, my voice full of desperation. "Every day, every fucking day. And I've been waiting for you to remember too, to feel it like I do."

Chaeyoung closed her eyes, her hands trembling. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Tears were freely flowing now, each one a reminder of all the times I had waited in vain.

"All I wanted was for you to see me, Chaeyoung. To truly see me."
"I see you. I promise."

"Don't lie to me. I'm tired of your null promises, Chaeyoung."

I remember how her lips tasted like wine and something indefinable, something that was purely her. We kissed that night with an intensity that grew with each passing second, a mix of restrained desire and tenderness. Her hands gently caressed my face, and I held onto her like she was my lifeline.

The kiss grew more passionate, more urgent. We ended up on my bed that night. Vicky kissed every inch of my body, whispering words that I didn't fully understand but felt deeply. I always remember the feel of her breath against my back as she kissed me, telling me how beautiful I was...

At that moment, there was only her and me, lost in a world where nothing else mattered. I'll never forget that.

"You need to rest. We'll talk tomorrow," she aid with a soft but firm voice.

I crossed my arms and frowned, my anger and pain still bubbling beneath the surface.

"I don't want to rest. I don't want to be here with you. Not after all this," I protested, my voice echoing with resentment.

I pulled away from her, trying to keep my distance, but she moved closer, her arms wrapping around me tightly.

"Don't touch me. I don't want you near," I said, struggling against her arms, my voice breaking.But Chaeyoung didn't move. Herembrace was strong, unwavering, and the more I struggled, the more I realized how tired I was, not just physically, but emotionally.

"I'm not leaving you like this," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly.

Tears began to flow again, my resistance slowly crumbling.

"You don't understand. It hurts..." I murmured between sobs, my voice filled with desperation.

"I'm not leaving you. Not this time," she said, her voice full of a determination that surprised me.

I tried to break free from her arms, moving weakly, but each movement only made me feel more exhausted. Finally, I gave in, my body succumbing to weariness and the warmth of her embrace.

"Okay... don't leave me," I whispered, my voice barely audible as sleep began to claim me. "I hate you so much, Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung gently stroked my hair and planted a kiss on my head, whispering words of comfort as I drifted into sleep.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm here. I'll always be here."

Her words were the last thing I heard before sleep completely enveloped me, taking me to a place where pain and sadness faded, at least for a while.
I woke up with my head still foggy from alcohol and blurry memories of the night before. Vicky was in the kitchen, making coffee, and her presence filled the room with a mix of nostalgia and love. The way she moved with grace and determination reminded me why I fell in love with her in the first place.

I watched her profile, the red strands of her hair shining in the morning light. How could someone be so exasperatingly charming and frustrating at the same time? My heart raced with each of her gestures, but also sank a little more every time I remembered how blind she could be.

I sighed and got up from the couch, walking towards the kitchen. She looked at me with a soft smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, handing me a cup of coffee.

"Like roadkill," I replied, taking the cup and breathing in the comforting aroma. "You took care of me last night, but I don't remember anything else. Thanks."

"You don't have to thank me," she said, her tone neutral but warm.

"Why not? You could have left me drowning in my alcoholic misery."

I took a sip of coffee, feeling the warmth spread through my body, calming my nerves. I looked at Chaeyoung with a whirlwind of emotions that I couldn't fully articulate. She was still my guardian angel and the woman of my dreams, even when she drove me crazy.

"About last night... I don't remember much. Just that we argued."

Chaeyoung nodded slowly, sighing. "We did argue, yes. But there was more to it than that."

My heart skipped a beat in my chest, uncertainty making me tremble. "What do you mean?"

Chaeyoung looked me directly in the eyes, her lips forming a slight smile. "You don't remember anything from last night?"

My eyes widened, confusion enveloping me like a thick fog. "What happened?"

Chaeyoung took a deep breath, her words carefully measured. "You said things... that you were in love with me."

My heart began to race uncontrollably, memories of our emotions laid bare in the middle of the night rushing back with force.

I sighed. "I don't remember, so it didn't happen," I murmured, feeling uncomfortable with the vulnerability of the situation.

I tried to change the subject, desperate to ease the tension that had settled between us.

"You're a good... friend, Chaeyoung. Thanks for... for taking care of me last night."

The sudden change in my tone made Chaeyoung tense imperceptibly. She knew the truth behind those words, and it hurt her deeply.

"I'll always be here for you, Y/N," Chaeyoung replied, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

But the tension between us continued to pulse in the air, like a taut rope on the verge of snapping. Chaeyoung decided to break the ice with a joke, though she knew it could hurt me.

"I'm glad you slept well, especially after what happened last night," Chaeyoung said with a mischievous smile.

My eyes widened, surprise and panic colliding within me.

"What are you talking about?" I exclaimed, my voice rising involuntarily.

After a few moments of silence, I walked over to the kitchen island and sat there, watching Chaeyoung as she finished preparing the coffee. There was something comforting about seeing her move with familiarity in her own kitchen.

Before I could process what was happening, Chaeyoung stepped closer, her blue eyes staring intensely at me. Without warning, she leaned in and kissed me. It was a spontaneous kiss, full of passion and desires that had been repressed for too long. I felt an electric current run through my entire body, my lips responding automatically to hers with a hunger I had never felt before.The kiss was intense, filled with an urgency that had been latent in both our hearts. My mind clouded with the intensity of the moment, the world around us fading as we surrendered to the kiss.

Suddenly, I pulled away from her, trying to catch my breath and my thoughts.

"What the hell are you doing, Chaeyoung?" I managed to say, though my voice trembled with a mix of emotions.

Chaeyoung didn't respond with words. Instead, she pulled me back to her, her lips finding mine once more. This time, there was no resistance on my part. I surrendered to the moment, a smile beginning to form on my lips as I kissed her back with the same intensity.

The kiss was a blend of passion, desire, and a release of all the repressed feelings. Chaeyoung hugged me tightly, her hands roaming my back, bringing us even closer. When we finally broke apart, our foreheads touching, both of us panting.

Chaeyoung looked me in the eyes, her gaze filled with determination. "I'm tired of pretending, Y/N."

The lump in my throat grew bigger, but I felt like I could breathe better by her side. "I'm scared, Chaeyoung. Scared that this will destroy us."

Chaeyoung gently stroked my cheek, her eyes full of understanding and tenderness. My muse kissed me again.

"You're such an idiot, you know that?" I said, my voice mixing affection and exasperation.Before I could continue, Chaeyoung interrupted me with another kiss, cutting me off mid-sentence. This time, the kiss was slower, softer, but equally meaningful.

When she finally pulled away, she smiled with that mischievous spark in her eyes. "Maybe so, but I'm your favorite idiot."

I couldn't help but smile, despite everything. Maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to make this work. And in that moment, I knew that no matter how many times we argued or how complicated our relationship was, at the end of the day, she was there with me, willing to face my ups and downs and love me in her own unique way. I wondered if someday we would find the path to something clearer and more definitive. But for now, being with her was enough.