Second: The Queen's Lament

02

02

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It has been a month since I woke up. In that span of time, I’ve learned a lot about Louisiana Theodore. She fell from six floors (approximately 60-72 feet), which caused her to suffer four broken ribs, a head injury, acute amnesia, and fractures in her spine, arms, and legs. These past few weeks, I’ve been busy with physical, neurological, and imaging tests, as well as psychological testing to assess the extent of memory loss.

I’m physically immobile, but I am attending constant physical therapy with the assistance of Louisiana’s grandmother and Dr. Gamboa. Although psychologically speaking, I am perfectly fine (except for episodic flashes of memory), Louisiana’s father still insisted on psychological therapy. That makes me imperfectly fine, in conclusion.

Louisiana Theodre’s grandmother, Helen Theodre visited right away after having the news that I’m awake after almost two months in coma. The thing her father never bothered to do so.

If my memory serves me right, it was only madame Helen Theodre that genuinely cared for Louisiana. But she failed to acknowledge and appreciate it because she was too busy winning the affection of people that would later cause her demise.

It’s unfortunate that Louisiana never get to appreciate it. If she was only a little optimistic, then she might have considered not ending her life. But we really cannot blame her, can we?

I got an earful from grandma the moment she entered my room. But instead of getting annoyed about it, I am rather sorry. I can still remember her dumbfounded upon hearing those words in my mouth.

“I-It’s the first time I heard you apologize, Louisiana. Does falling from 6 feet building altered your brain chemistry?” she sighed. “Nonetheless, I’m grateful you’re awake. I should visit the church on my way home.”

The thing is, Louisiana is an egoist. I suppose it was hard for her to communicate with other people given she was used to not talk about her feelings at all. There are times where her decisions leads to harm other people and when these people confront her about it— she would gone furious.

Dr. Gamboa visits me from time to time to assess if I’m getting better and so far, I made such huge improvement. Hindi pa rin makapaniwala ang lola na nakikipag-cooperate ako. She said that if the accident “did not alter my brain chemistry” it would take me a while to have this massive improvement.

Binibisita rin ako ni Damian Gomez. I told him once that he needed not to visit me twice every week because he is a busy man but he insisted. We are not particularly close although our condo units are only two doors away from each other. Wala rin naman akong memorya sa kaniya maliban sa lagi ko siyang nakakasalubong sa hallway. But his only response was, “You are my responsibility. I’ll stop coming here once you get discharged.”

I attempted suicide. How did I become his responsibility?

Chances are he possibly felt responsible for he was the first one who found me when the accident occured. However, I already explained that I am not his responsibility and that I am grateful for his help. But gratitude only left him dumbfounded, like it was the least thing he expected from me.

I laughed to myself. Perhaps Lousiana Theodore is worse than I thought.

Saoirse Louisiana Theodore

I mentally recited my name. It’s pretty and unique, I must say. But its meaning is quite the opposite of our reality. Saoirse means freedom, and yet here we are, not knowing what freedom truly is. Trapped in a cage with no escape, like being lost in an endless garden maze.