How To Be Happy: Resmile

Chapter 1: Zero

My eyes open.
I see my ceiling and yet my urge to wake is stifled. Who would care if I didn't wake up, anyway?
Does it matter if I even go to school? Fake smiles pass me like rain passes a speeding bike.

Does it matter?

*BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BE-*

*Click!*

Yuki rises from her bed, swiftly putting on her outfit for school before placing her hand on the doorknob.
Am I ready for today?

Does it matter..?

She unlocked her door and ran downstairs, quickly trying to leave the house before-

"Oi! Moooooooooom! She's trying to skip breakfast again!"
"Tanoshi! Shut the ffff...-"
Yuki's mother turned back to Yuki, pointing down at a plate made just for her.

"I'm not hungry."
"Yes you are! You don't eat with us anymore, Yuki!"
Silence filled the room, as her mother glances at her daughter. Her stare penetrated Yuki's soul like an arrow. Yuki couldn't help but keep her head down, she couldn't bare to look at her mother's eyes. Her mother continued, saying:

"You know that all we have is each other now. You can't do the same things you used to when we were with your father. Yuki, please understand."
"I get it. I'm not hungry, ok? I'll be going now."

Yuki turned away from her mother, quickly racing to the door. She opened her door swiftly, before her mother stopped her.
"Yuki."

"Yes?"
"I love you."
"Alright."

Yuki steps out, closing the door behind her. 
She began her walk to the subway station, as the winds began pushing her back toward her house. Resisting the winds, she felt like she was fighting back against her urges.
But still, she pushed on. 

Before she knew it, she was on the subway train.
Is this normal? Feeling this alone? I'm not alone, though..
Yes I am. This is true loneliness. Nobody understands the feelings I feel. I can be surrounded by people I love and yet..
I feel alone.

Is it normal?

Yuki gets off at her stop, stepping off the train to walk to school the rest of the way. 
On her walk to school, she is passed by students, teachers, people who live their lives infinitely better than she ever can. 
Those people are happy. I hate them.
I hate them all. 
How can you be happy? Have you not gone through hardship? Has there not been bad moments in your lives? How could you dare to be happy in front of people that have suffered more than you?

No, that enough.
I'm.. 
I'm just sick. 

Yuki reached the campus, seeing her classmates surround the entrance of the campus.
It was a month into the school year, things were new. Her classmates had just started to mingle, and the weather had just started to change with the seasons.
For Yuki, it was a time to choose who she wanted to stay in her life.

But she had decided.

Oh, am I late?
Ah, yes, I think I've lost track of my time.
I did make that vow in august, anyway.

Today, September 2nd. I am going to kill myself.

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