Kocoum x Reader (Y/n) FEMALE

Twenty-One

The next few days are long. You haven't spoken to Kocoum, believing that is for the best. As much as it hurts you to break off your engagement, you will always put the lives of those you care about before your happiness. 

So, to fill your time, you have started working with the girls again, helping them make more baskets, rugs, and even blankets. 

You have just finished your work for the day, and stars are covering the sky. Because you decided to spend some time away from him, and he also hasn't come looking for you,  you have been staying with Ben. 

Taking the long way by the river, watching each ripple as you make your way down the familiar path, it doesn't take much time for you to reach his tent. They had let Ben go and allowed him to stay after you vouched for him. However, he was on strict watch. 

Entering the tent that had become your new home, Ben is inside, reading a book.

"Hey," you say as you make your way into the tent."

"Oh, hey," he says back, looking up from his book to give you a small smile. The longer he has been here, the more comfortable he got. And the more that you saw of the old him. He was striving here, this place let his good nature flourish. "How was your day?"

"Good," you say out of default when in reality, you counted the moments until you could sleep. You counted to moments you could sleep and get it break from your endless thoughts. "What about you?"

"I helped build some tents," he said, setting down the book next to him. You take a seat across from him and begin ideally organizing the books in front of you. After a moment, he says, "Are you sure that you are making the right decision?"

"What do you mean?" The question shocks you, and it causes you to stop your current action.  Thomas hadn't asked anything when you explained things to him, and you liked it better that way. 

"I mean," he breathes, trying to figure out what to say. "Maybe you are going about this all wrong?"

Again you ask, "What do you mean?"

Thomas knows that if he says the wrong thing right now, you are going to be upset. So he thinks for a moment before speaking, and finally replies with, "You love him right?"

"Yes, of course, I do," you say in defense, turning to finally meet his gaze.  "Why are you asking me this?" You were too tired for this. Not having him with you at night left a void in you, and your thoughts kept you awake for the night. You were on edge waiting for your commander's next move.

"I'm just saying that maybe you should think about things for a moment."

"I have. All I do is think about what I have done. Why wouldn't you think I have thought about everything." Thomas's words hurt you. How could he even begin to think like that? All you think about is the people you care for getting hurt because of your actions. All you want to do is keep everyone safe. 

"I get it," Thomas says this time, comforting you. At least he understood what he was saying was wrong. "You want to protect them. But at the end of the day when this is all over, and the commander does finally strike, what difference will it make if you are married to him?"

You take a deep breath, now understanding where he is going with this, but you are at a loss for words. So, Thomas still speaks, "The commander is going to come, we know that he knows you are alive. You shouldn't give up everything."

"But if the commander knows we are married, he won't hesitate to kill Kocoum first." That's what it came down to in the end. The fact that Kocoum would be the first to die. "He would know that I love him, and kill him for it. At least now," you feel the tears form in your eyes then, and you take a deep breath. "At least now he stands a chance. I can play it up to us being friends. Maybe the commander will leave him be."