At his private detective angency, special investigator corgan, was enjoying a nip of whiskey, and a fine cigar. With his feet up on the desk, and twenties music blaring on his antique radio, he felt he had it made.
"Yes indeed" billy said to himself "life is good, nothing on earth could diturb me now. The universe in balance. My yin and my yang have come to peace. My female and masculine sides have come to an agreement. I see only happiness in my futrue. No sadness at all. Im going to have to rewrite all my songs that were angry because i am so happy now."
His thoughts were interrupted by a violet ringing. Billy jumped in the air and assumed posistion
D'arcy walked into the room, she was his beautiful and surpassing of specific people secretary at the private detective firm where billy was a special agent!
D'arcy shook her head. Its called a telephone "she said", she answered the phone politley saying "thNk you for calling smashing pumpkins agency this is d'arcy how can i help you?"
A growling old female voice rasped into the phone "MY CAT MR WHISKERS IS MISSING.." she screamed.
D'arcy kicks billy , who assumes a position on the chair again, "Dont worry" d'arcy says to the elderly voice on the phone. "Our courageous team leader, special investigator william corgan will be with you in a moment."
Billy took a moment to stop crying , took a deep breath then lifted the reciever of the phone to his head. Unfortunately, being new to telephones, he put the earpeace to his mouth and the mouth peice to his ear. "Courageous special agent corgan speaking, how can i help you?"........ "I cant hear anything!!" He says to d'arcy. D'arcy laughs angrily and says "your holding the phone upside down, bitch." She punches billy who bleeds all over his white shirt. The blood is watered down by his beautiful virgin tears that i love, as billy has been saving himself for a prairie girl in northern canada.
As billy recitifies the phone, he hears the old lady crying, "MRS WHISKERS IS MISSING!!!!" "Who is mr whiskers?" Asked billy ingeniously. "MY CAT!!" Replies mrs old lady. "My you are so brilliant sir! Im so happy to have caught the attention of the smartest man in the multiverse and also the greatest musician of all time." "Oh please!!" Billy interrupts billy continues. "Well mr whiskers has been missing for three days. I live in xeina, ohio!" "What was your cats favoruite smashing pumpkins song?" Billy asked. "h" replied mrs old lady. "Rest assured ma'am, mr whiskers is as good as saved. I've met many cats in my day, but most of them think 1979 is my greatest song." Mrs old lady replies "thats because those cats are fucking posers!!" "Theres a lot of fake smashing pumpkins fans, im glad mr whiskers wasnt one of them." Billy asked whisperly.
D'arcy seemed confused. "Shouldnt we be trying to find the cat, instead of talking about his musical taste?" Asked d'arcy. She is the best. Billy drips his head and screams "IF WE DONT KNOW THEIR MUSIC WE CAN NEVER FIND THEM!!!!!!!!!!" Billy whispers screamily. D'arcy takes the phone. "What did mr whiskers look like?" She asks mrs old lady. "He had four legs and whiskers." Mrs old lady answers. Billy recoils in terror "NO TAIL?!" He screamed... "oh silly me! Yes he had a tail." Said mrs old lady. Billy corgan breathed a massive sigh in relief. "Cats without tails REALLY freak me out. I wont work with cats that dont have tails." D'arcy rolls her eyes. "We'll do whatever we can for you, mrs old lady."
YOU ARE READING
Billy corgan solves crimes 2
FanfictionHavw you ever wanted a crossover of billy corgan, gummo, courtney love and probaly some other movies and musicians solving crimes?! Well look no further. We've put them all into one wonderful, romantic comedy.
