Confessions to a writer

Despair

CAUTION: contains depictions of sexual abuse/assault. Please read with caution, and be aware this isn't funny at all and is a serious issue. If this is a sensetive topic for you, I recommend you skip this chapter of the book.

Elias's Pov:

"listen to me when I'm talking to you!" My father shouted at me from the couch. I was in the kitchen, making him breakfast, as he asked me to do.

"S-Sorry, dad... I'm listening..."

"You better be, Elias. Do those fucking dishes after you're done. You know how much work I do around here." My dad leaned back on the back cushion of the couch and set one leg on the coffee table. He was sipping on a beer while watching the news. A usual saturday morning, and usually I tried my best to remain patient with him and not talk back.

We lived in a shitty apartment with barely any bills paid and my dad doesn't make enough to pay rent. Which is why I have two part time jobs to not only pay the high rent but to also pay for my sick mother's hospital bills. It was a tough life, but at least when I turned eighteen I could slam the door in my dad's face and take my savings for college. My dad doesn't know I have a seperate pot of money for my college, but I work enough to keep it increasing.

Now I'm over here doing the dishes and making food for him because if I don't, I never truly know what he'll do to me. But it won't be good. The Elias I want to be isn't the Elias I am. I'm fake. I'm fake to Lucy, fake to Cliff, fake to Jace, fake to everyone. If they saw the real Elias, they'd see a coward.

But Nova... she's like me. Not exactly, but I can tell just by knowing her that she's fake, too. I want to know what type of person she truly is, I want to know if maybe she isn't a stuck up bitch.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about Nova, but I am. I shouldn't be thinking about her because it's disloyal to Cliff that I'm so damn interested in his girlfriend of one and a half years. I'm not interested in her in that way, though, I'm interested in her story. I wonder if she can feel that I'm like her, too.

"Kid, you better hurry up!" My dad shouted, and my entire body flinched. I sprinkle some salt on his potatoes, then I rush tot he couch with his plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Sorry, father. Here's your food. I wanted to make it extra good today, just for you." I tell him as I set the plate down on the coffee table in front of him. "And I put salt on the potatoes, because I know you like it that way."

My dad nods in approval, staring at the food in front of him, "Good job, boy. Keep it up." He applauded. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"mhm..." I hum. I start to walk away, but the back of my shirt was being tugged on. I turn back to stare my dad in the eyes. "Yeah?" I ask.

"Come sit, son. Spend some time with your dad, will ya?" He pat the space next to him while scooting over to his right. I hesitently nodded and chewed on my bottom lip when I sat down in the space he provided.

I still had his glass of water, so I held it out to him. "Don't forget your water, dad." I swallow.

He took the glass but didn't drink from it. He only set it down on the table. When he leaned back, I noticed that right before he nonchalantly had scooted just slightly closer to me. Our shoulders were against each other, and I started to sweat. My throat closed up, and my leg shook up and down. I didn't like it when he got closer to me, I didn't at all.

I cleared my throat, "I have to get going, dad... I've got plans with Cliff." I say, trying to stand. My dad gripped my right thigh harshly, so hard I could feel his nails dig into my skin through my jeans.